PAUSE is my monthly newsletter that can be read in three minutes or less. Each issue explores a topic that could help you with whatever awesome goals you're working on.
A truth that feels yucky to admit out loud: It can be hard to see someone enjoying something that you want.
I know what it’s like to be ambitious — to want something deep, deep in your soul, in a way that feels like a craving. Like you’re hungry, but what you’re starving for is that day, that “one day,” when you’ll Finally. Get. There.
And when you meet someone who has that thing — that thing you want so badly — well, it’s a little like being hungry and watching someone eat a cheesy slice of pizza. It’s only natural to think, Ohhhh man, I want that.
But there’s a BIG difference between wanting something and wanting to have something that’s someone else’s.
One of the best lessons I’ve learned in the last 15 years is how to pursue something — wildly, ambitiously, wholeheartedly — without begrudging anyone I meet who has that thing already.
I learned this lesson when I first started my business. As a new business owner, I was working so hard for so very little. The exhaustion of it makes you question everything from your worth to your choices to your sanity.
Then, you go to a luncheon for women business owners, and suddenly, you’re surrounded by all these incredible businesswomen who are making it work. They seem successful and put together and satisfied. No one looks the way you feel — like a starving creature on the edge of a cliff.
So what do you do? I suppose you could get mad — you could curse the universe for allowing these other people to be successful while you struggle. You could question the fates and stars and decision-makers, and demand that they explain why someone else has what you’re working for. Or…
Or.
You could feel a sense of relief. Because — how wonderful, to know that the things you want are possible. What a gift, to be surrounded by all these incredible examples of a dream that you hope will come true for you, too.
How wonderful to see and learn from people who have made it. What a gift, to be amongst other dreamers — to meet the ones who have gotten to the place you want to get to so badly, and to learn from their experiences.
How wonderful, even, to celebrate the success of others — to feel joy from their joy, and from the joy of living in a world of possibility.
You could spin around that room with a full heart, thinking, Here are women who have done 👏 the 👏 thing 👏.How cool, how awesome, how freaking amazing that I get to spend a moment with them! What a wonderful gift, to get to see — to witness — to celebrate — their work.
When someone else applies for and gets a job you wanted — or lands your dream client — or shines on a stage that you hope to stand on one day — you get to decide how to see that. And my recommendation, friend, is that we see it as something worth celebrating.
My favorite saying now is, “You can’t compete with me because I want you to win, too.” And it’s genuinely true! I’m competitive, but I’m competitive against myself and what I think I can do. I can hold that AND celebrate others.
If you find yourself stumbling on this, don’t worry. It’s hard, when you’re hungry, to see someone enjoy a perfectly folded NY-style slice. (IYKYK! 🍕)
But you get to choose what comes after that reaction. And as often as you can, as loudly as you can, I hope you choose to celebrate others, and to know, to trust, and to believe that your turn is coming.
(There is plenty of pizza, y'all!)
And wow, if you do that — what a cheering section you’ll have, when you finally get there.
Dr. Sarah Glova, Co-Editor of Pause, Extremely Loud Cheerleader
Later this month, I'll be diving into the deeper, research-backed side of this idea — in my new Substack, The Science of Getting There.
Each month, I gather with poets, musicians, singers, and storytellers in an art gallery for an afternoon of open mic performances. It is an experience that brings me great joy and profound feelings of connection.
The community has grown over the years, with our wonderful regulars sharing their expertise and talents with those new to the open mic. We welcome new performers with warmth and support and cheer on each new song or poem — whether delivered by a seasoned professional or by someone brand new to standing behind a microphone and addressing the audience.
And it’s not just about being brave enough to share a poem, song, or story with a room full of people. It is also about lifting each other up when amazing opportunities come along.
We celebrate book deals and gigs. We show up at other venues to be a familiar face in the crowd. We listen. And we revel in the applause that we hand out like candy to support each performer.
It could be easy to fall into the trap of jealousy over a new book or gig. But, the community that has formed doesn’t dwell in those dark places and instead chooses to embrace the pride and happiness we all feel when someone succeeds.
And that’s a feeling that is worth chasing, and those happiness ripples last a long time.
Dr. Sarah Egan Warren, Co-Editor of Pause, Open Mic Enthusiast
