I may have overextended myself. We are currently fostering two six-week-old puppies through Detroit Dog Rescue. Six-week-old puppies already require a fair amount of work. Then we discovered they have worms.

Death Readiness Dispatch

September 2, 2026

Hi there,

 

I may have overextended myself. We are currently fostering two six-week-old puppies through Detroit Dog Rescue. Six-week-old puppies already require a fair amount of work. Then we discovered they have worms. I will spare you the details, except to say that deworming puppies involves lots and lots of trips to the backyard. And apparently worms do not respect normal sleeping hours.

 

So, on top of the usual mix of work, school, family, and taking care of the three dogs who already live here, my husband, daughter, and I have added two six-week-old puppies to the rotation. Life has a way of piling things on. And I've been thinking about that this week because of a conversation I had with my friend Alex Fisher for this week’s podcast episode.

Your responsible child already has a job

When parents choose a trustee, I often hear some version of: “I'll name my daughter. She’s the responsible one.” And maybe she is. Maybe she's organized, good with money and the one everyone calls when something needs to get done. Those are all good reasons to believe she could serve as trustee. But there's another question we should ask: What else are we asking her to carry?

 

Maybe she's holding down a career, raising children, and helping aging parents and in-laws. She’s already managing a household, and trying to exercise, maintain relationships, get enough sleep, and occasionally do something simply because she enjoys it. And now we've given her another job.

Being trustee is actually a job

A trustee has to manage investments, maintain property, keep records, file tax returns, communicate with beneficiaries, interpret the trust agreement, and decide whether to make distributions. And some of those decisions are deeply personal if the trustee and the beneficiary are siblings.

 

Imagine your son calls his sister, whom you've named as trustee, and asks for money from his trust. She has to decide whether the answer is yes or no. If she says no, he may not see it as a fiduciary decision.

 

He may see it as: You've never liked my spouse. You don't think I deserve a new car. You don't want me to succeed. 

 

That's one of the things Alex and I talked about in this week's episode. As a professional trustee, Alex can say no without worrying about whether the beneficiary is going to give her the cold shoulder at Thanksgiving. Your daughter may not have that luxury.

“Free” doesn't always mean free

There's also a tendency to compare the cost of a professional trustee with the cost of naming a family member. A professional trustee charges a fee. Your daughter might do it for free. Except, as Alex pointed out during our conversation, nothing is really free.

 

If serving as trustee takes five, ten, fifteen, or twenty hours a week, those hours have to come from somewhere. They're hours your child isn't spending on her career, her family, her health, her sleep, or the rest of her life. And then there's the emotional cost of making financial decisions for siblings or other people she loves.

 

I’m not saying you should never name a child as trustee. My father named me as trustee of my brother’s special needs trust, and I believe I’m the right person for that job. That decision makes sense because I understand what the job requires and I understand the relationship and dynamic my brother and I have. Sometimes a family member really is the right choice. 

I just don’t want “She’s the responsible one” to be the beginning and end of the analysis. Being capable of doing the job doesn’t necessarily mean your child should be the one asked to do it.

Alex and I talk about:

✅ What happens when a beneficiary asks a trustee for money,

✅ How a professional trustee decides whether the answer should be yes or no,

✅ Why saying no can be much harder when the trustee is a sibling,

✅ The hidden time and emotional costs of naming your “responsible child,”

✅ How professional trustees and family members can sometimes serve together,

✅ What professional trustees consider before agreeing to serve,

✅ And why a trust needs enough flexibility to keep working when life looks very different 10, 20, or 50 years from now.

Why Your Responsible Child Might be the 

Wrong Trustee

Choosing a trustee isn't just about asking: Who is capable of doing this? It's also worth asking: Who should have to? Sometimes those questions have the same answer but sometimes they don't.

 

Connect with Alex at 615-365-5281 or alexandria.fisher@regions.com 

Thanks for being here.

PS: Here Alex and I are circa 2011, when we were students at Vanderbilt Law School, with Rayne and Maddy—and wearing tie-dye Alex made for us. While neither of us had any idea where our legal careers would take us, I feel fairly confident “professional trustee” and “estate planning podcaster” were not on the list.