Okay.

Apparently God and I are STILL working on patience. 

 

I don’t know how many different ways Scripture can tell one person to WAIT. TRUST. BE STILL. STOP TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING, KAYLA. before I finally get the message... but apparently, we’re going to find out. OOF.

Because this week → → Joseph. Moses. David. Solomon. Hebrews.

Different books. Different people. Completely different circumstances.

Same message. Isn't that your thought? At some point I genuinely started thinking... Okay God. This is getting suspiciously specific.

I’m on Day 42 now, and I think this week hit differently because I’m starting to notice something… I’m not just reading these stories anymore. I’m finding myself in them!

And honestly, sometimes I’m not entirely thrilled about it. 😂

 

Joseph was the first one who really got me. After everything that happened to him—the betrayal, being sold by his brothers, falsely accused, imprisoned, forgotten—he eventually finds himself standing in front of the very people who hurt him. Except now, he can see something he couldn't have possibly seen while he was living through it.

 

And I wrote this down inside my Bible.. “Don’t confuse where I am right now with where God is taking the story.”

 

Whew.. that one.

I think I have spent a lot of my life looking at whatever is happening right now and trying to determine what it means about everything that comes next, and life has handed me plenty of things I didn't expect.

 

You couldn't tell from the outside looking in I don't think.

 

I've experienced hurt. I've dealt with anxiety.

I've been hurt by people. And if we're being completely transparent here, I've also made decisions that contributed to some of my own hurt. I don't want to pretend otherwise. There have been seasons where life has felt so flipped upside down that I've looked at myself and thought... I don't even completely recognize this girl anymore.

 

Honestly, thats beginning to bother me more than it used to.

 

Maybe that’s why one word kept grabbing me this week: redemption. Not pretending the hurt didn’t happen or wishing I could go backward and rewrite everything, but believing that God can still do something with it. The hurt, my mistakes, other people’s mistakes, the years I wish looked different—even the chapter I’m standing in right now. When I hear “God can redeem it,” I think, my troubles aren’t too big for Him. I may not know what He’s doing with all of it yet, but I’m learning to trust that He does.

 

And then came Moses. 😂 This man spent SO much time explaining to God why He had clearly chosen the wrong person. “I can’t do this. What will I say? What if they don’t believe me? I’m not a good speaker.” Basically, “Respectfully, Lord... have You considered literally anyone else?” BUT he  finally goes. He does what God tells him to do... and things get worse. That stopped me because I think I’ve quietly assumed that doing the right thing should come with some immediate confirmation. Things should get easier. I should feel peaceful. The answer should become obvious. Instead, Moses reminded me: “Harder doesn’t always mean I heard God wrong.”  OOF! 

 

I needed that. There’s a personal area of my life where I’ve been asking God for clarity and direction, and I’m keeping the details of that one between me and Him. But I’ll tell you this: waiting is hard. I would love to tell you that 42 days into this journey I’ve mastered patience, but... absolutely not. 😂 I’m not convinced anyone has.

 

I’m trying to be patient, but uncertainty is uncomfortable. Apparently, my version of surrender sometimes looks like, “God, I trust You completely... but I did make us a backup plan, just in case.” 😂 And right on cue, I get to Psalm 37: “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.” Of course I did.  PATIENCE. AGAIN!

 

But maybe I’m finally starting to understand it differently. Patience doesn’t mean the waiting suddenly stops bothering me—it still does. And trusting God doesn’t mean I stop caring about how something turns out. It means I’m learning that I don’t have to control how it turns out.

 

Message received, God.

Then Proverbs 1 came along and reminded me of something incredibly simple and incredibly humbling: God is God. I am not. 😂

 

Wisdom isn’t just knowing what’s right—it’s being willing to actually live it, even when that means admitting, “Okay, maybe I’m the one who needs correcting here.” And lately I’ve caught myself doing that more often: Okay, Kayla. Maybe this one isn’t about what somebody else needs to change. Maybe God is talking to YOU.

 

But my favorite realization was this: correction isn’t rejection—

it’s an invitation to change direction.

Kind of like a GPS. When I miss a turn, Siri doesn’t yell, “WOW, KAYLA. We literally discussed this.” 😂 She just reroutes me.

 

And that made me wonder: Maybe these 42 days aren’t about God showing me how far I’ve drifted. Maybe He’s rerouting me. Which is interesting... because drifting is exactly where Hebrews took me next.

Hebrews brought up something a little harder for me to admit: I’ve drifted. Not because I stopped believing in God or made some big decision to walk away. Life just happened. I got busy, distracted, overwhelmed, hurt... and somewhere along the way, a distance grew that I didn’t want anymore.

 

Honestly, that’s a big reason I started this journey. My heart was missing something. I couldn’t necessarily explain it—I just knew it!

 

Then Hebrews gave me this thought: Don’t only ask, “What does Scripture say?” Ask, “What is Scripture showing me about my heart?” And THAT is what I want these 365 days to be about. I don’t want to finish simply saying, “I read the whole Bible.” I want to be able to say, “God used it to change me.”

 

And only 42 days in and I think He already is. I’m calmer—not completely, but I am calmer. I am reacting differently, trusting Him more, examining my own heart, and feeling closer to Him.

 

Maybe most importantly, I’m learning that I don’t have to come to God perfectly. I just have to keep coming back. ❤

Just to be clear….

Most of this journey isn't happening during some beautiful 5:00 a.m. Bible study with coffee and a sunrise. First of all, you know I don't drink coffee (maybe on occasion). 😂 A lot of it happens at soccer practice or when I'm home alone—when nobody needs Mama for a minute and I can actually sit, read, and fill my Bible with notes. Some thoughtful and some still very confused. And quite a few that could probably just say, “Okay Kayla, this one's about you.” OOF.

 

Hebrews definitely confused me at times. Melchizedek showed up and I was basically like, Sir... who invited you? HA! But somehow, the book that confused me most also gave me one of the clearest pictures from this entire journey→ an anchor.

 

Hebrews describes hope as an anchor for the soul, and maybe that's exactly what I've been looking for—something steady when everything else doesn't feel steady. An anchor doesn't stop the waves or remove the storm. It keeps you from drifting in the storm.

 

I don't have all the answers. I'm still learning patience, surrendering control, waiting for clarity, and healing, but maybe I don't need to keep measuring how far I've drifted-- instead I just need to keep learning how to stay anchored now??

 

Last week I said I was learning that I don't have to understand everything God is doing to believe He's still doing something. And then this week He handed me an anchor.

 

So if you're somewhere in the middle as well—waiting, healing, questioning, or trusting God while also keeping a backup plan nearby (HA! No, but really.)—keep reading with me.

 

We just keep showing up, day by day and chapter by chapter. And hopefully, by Day 365, we won't just be able to say we read the Bible. We'll be able to say we let God use it to change us.

 

That's the goal. ❤️

See you next week!