Brothers of the Desert invites the community to our 3rd annual, Real Talk, Real Health, a wellness-season opening conversation designed to bring people together for honest dialogue, reflection, and community-centered care. This free event will be held at the Palm Springs Surf Club.

 

This gathering serves as a preview and kickoff for the road to the 2027 Brothers of the Desert Wellness Summit. The program will center wellness as more than health information alone. It will explore how joy, purpose, connection, culture, relationships, and lived experience shape the way Black gay men and our communities practice well-being.

 

The morning will include coffee, conversation, a moderated program, and space for fellowship. Speakers and program participants will be announced closer to the event. A complimentary lunch at the Surf Club will be provided. Registration is required, space is limited. Reserve your ticket here:

This event is free to attend. Donations are optional and help support Brothers of the Desert’s wellness programming.

 

At a dinner party in Palm Springs last spring, a man I'll call Daniel told the table that he and his husband had "done the work." Eleven years together, open for six, a shared calendar, and agreements revised so often they practically had version numbers. Later, out on the patio, he admitted to me he still checks his husband's location on Friday nights. "I hate myself a little every time," he said, and laughed, the way we laugh when something isn't funny.

 

He hadn't lied at dinner. He'd just told us the version that fit.

 

There's a shame in being unhappy inside an arrangement you asked for. If you pushed for openness, it's humiliating to admit your stomach drops when his phone lights up. If you insisted on monogamy, you're supposed to feel chosen, so what does it mean that you don't? Nobody broke the agreement. It still hurts.

 

My work as a touch therapist and intimacy coach mostly begins where the negotiating ends. By the time men reach me, they usually know the vocabulary. Somebody is still lying awake.

 

And we do have good vocabulary: check-ins, boundaries, processing, compersion. I use most of those words myself. But I've watched them turn an ache into a homework assignment. Look at your childhood, communicate clearly, do the work, and one day you'll stop feeling sick when he leaves for a date.

 

Some men do. Others can explain the feeling with real insight and still come apart at 11 p.m. on a Saturday. That doesn't have to mean your partner did something wrong. It also doesn't mean you owe the relationship another year of proving how well you're coping. 

 

Understanding a feeling isn't the same as being rid of it. Occasionally the work just shows you a limit you were hoping you didn't have.

 

An open relationship can hold a lot of sex and surprisingly little company. Being allowed to find closeness elsewhere doesn't do much for the part of you that wanted it here, from him. I've seen outside partners become a kind of pressure valve, a way to breathe without ever starting the conversation waiting at home.

 

Monogamy has its own version. A man can come home every night, remember the recycling, and go half a year without asking you one curious question. Nobody cheats. The affection just thins, and you end up embarrassed to be lonely next to someone who believes things are fine.

 

Our community is quick to turn these stories into evidence. An open couple splits up and openness gets the blame. A monogamous couple goes quiet and exclusivity takes the fall. Meanwhile the two men involved are grieving something far smaller and more personal, like a promise one of them made through clenched teeth, or a need neither felt safe saying out loud.

 

Underneath it I see a lot of performing. We defend the arrangement because admitting pain feels like confessing we chose badly, or that we're not as secure or as evolved as our friends assumed.

 

Sometimes "I agreed" meant I thought I'd manage. For plenty of us it meant I was scared you'd leave. And for some it was entirely true, right up until we changed.

 

Being honest means saying what the arrangement gives you, what it costs, and which parts you keep pretending don't matter. Maybe there's an adjustment that helps. Maybe there's an incompatibility no amount of loving negotiation will fix. Either way, the years still count.

 

I'd like us to be able to say "this isn't working the way we hoped" without it becoming a referendum on monogamy, openness, or whether we're capable of love at all. We should be able to tell the truth about our relationships without first defending a whole philosophy just to get someone to hold us.

 

As Palm Springs Pride approaches, there is so much to celebrate: decades of progress, greater visibility and countless lives changed by the courage of those who came before us. Pride began as a movement for dignity, equality, and the right to live openly and safely. Understanding that history helps us better understand the work that remains.

 

But these are challenging times which have many concerned that we may be going backwards. In his talk Journeys of Hope, Kevin Jennings – CEO of Lambda Legal, America’s oldest legal advocacy organization for LGBTQ+ people and everyone living with HIV -

reflects on the LGBTQ+ movement’s journey from the earliest days of the LGBTQ+ movement to today’s challenges.

 

These are not just LGBTQ+ issues—they are community issues that call on all of us to act. If fairness, dignity, and equity matter to you, this conversation offers an opportunity to learn how you can make a meaningful difference in the ongoing fight for LGBTQ+ equality.

 

Brothers of the Desert is proud to highlight the TruEvolution Legacy Ball, a celebration of community, visibility, leadership, and the people whose work continues to shape our collective legacy. We are especially pleased to recognize Tim Vincent, President of Brothers of the Desert, as an honorary for this year’s event. His ongoing commitment to Black LGBTQ+ community building, wellness, and service reflects the spirit of legacy this gathering is designed to honor. We encourage our community to come out, celebrate, and support an evening rooted in recognition, resilience, and the power of showing up for one another.

 

Join TruEvolution on Friday, October 16, 2026, at the Riverside Convention Center for an unforgettable evening where purpose meets possibility. As the sun sets, Golden Hour begins – a moment to celebrate, connect, and ignite what comes next.

 

This year’s Legacy Ball is a call to action. Our gala, themed Golden Hour, reflects the critical window of opportunity before us: a time when bold investment and collective action can shape the future of health, housing, and opportunity for the communities we serve.

Together, we will honor the leaders, advocates, and partners advancing health equity, expanding housing, strengthening workforce pathways, and building power within LGBTQ+ communities.

 

For information and tickets:

 

Brothers of the Desert members meet monthly to discuss recent and upcoming events, share updates on the organization, celebrate our accomplishments, and have an opportunity to connect with new and existing members.

315 East Arenas Road, Palm Springs, California, 92262 

 

Join us for our Monthly Members & Allies Lunch at El Taco Asado!

Both members and allies are welcome to attend (Cash and Carry).

RSVP with DavidMaurice.Jones@gmail.com before July 10, 2026.

 

Brothers of the Desert is excited to continue our monthly discussion group called Barbershop: A Black Gay Men’s Space for Honest Talk About Wellness, now in our second year!

 

Building upon the tradition of barbershops in Black communities, the discussion group is designed to encourage open and honest conversation. The meetings are welcoming a spectrum of Black men, gay, bisexual, transgender and nonbinary. The wellness topics discussed are diverse, ranging from dating and intimacy, aging considerations, how we get and offer support, and exploring our identities as Black men.

 

The group meets the second Tuesday of each month from 5:30-7:00 PM. There is no charge to attend. We begin with a meet and greet with dinner that begins at 5:30PM and the discussion group starts at 6PM. The group is facilitated by Stuart Huggins and Will Dean.

 

To register to attend the meetings email: willdean.boardmember@brothersofthedesert.org

 

Join Brothers of the Desert members, board members, and allies for a community happy hour at the Thompson Hotel on Tuesday, October 27, 2026, from 6–8 p.m.

 

A portion of food and beverage purchases during the event will benefit the Brothers of the Desert Emergency Fund and Scholarship Fund. Let your server or hotel staff know you’re there to support Brothers of the Desert.

 

Bring a friend, connect with community, and enjoy an evening together while supporting these important funds!

The Brothers of the Desert is once again a nonprofit beneficiary of this wonderful event during Pride weekend.

 

Please check out the information on the Walk website and join the Brothers of the Desert Team so that we can journey together through the beautiful Las Palmas neighborhood of Palm Springs, have a morning of fellowship, and represent the Brothers of the Desert.

 

Can’t walk that day? If you prefer, you can donate to the event or volunteer to assist along the route. Please get more information and register at www.PalmSpringsPrideRun.com

Step into the style, spirit, and brilliance of the Harlem Renaissance at the Brothers of the Desert Annual New Year’s Eve Gala & Fundraiser!

 

Celebrate with us Dandy Style as we gather for an unforgettable evening of elegance, community, music, and joy—and ring in the New Year on East Coast Time!

 

 

Tickets are $175 per person through December 1 and $200 thereafter. Tickets go on sale through Eventbrite beginning October 15.

 

Dress to impress, Be Dandy, and celebrate the New Year with Brothers of the Desert—all while supporting our work to nurture and support Black gay men and our community.

 

Visit the Brothers of the Desert website for additional details.

Discounted hotel room rates available at the Hilton Double Tree for $159/per night.

You can book a cuddle, buy a ticket to a tantra workshop, subscribe to a stranger's OnlyFans, or negotiate a sugar arrangement over brunch. Somewhere between "hold me" and "what's your cancellation policy?" we've built an entire economy around wanting to feel wanted.

 

I say "we" on purpose. I'm a touch therapist and intimacy coach in my day job, and I charge for my time, my attention, and my hands. I'm aware of how this looks, a man with a booking link writing about the commodification of intimacy. I'll try to be honest anyway.

 

Money doesn't make care fake. If you pay for a massage, your shoulders still come down from around your ears. A paid cuddle can be real comfort. A good workshop can give a man permission to say out loud the desire he's been swallowing since he was fourteen. Even a frankly transactional arrangement can have genuine affection in it, sometimes more than the free kind.

 

But none of this is interchangeable, and calling something "healing" doesn't make it ethical. Put a candle next to a shady sales pitch and you've still got a shady sales pitch. 

 

For me it mostly comes down to honesty. Is it clear what's actually being offered, and does the person buying it understand the same thing? Can he say no, change his mind, or walk out without being made to feel small? And the one I ask myself most: am I helping him trust himself, or teaching him that he needs me?

 

That last question should make people in my profession a little uncomfortable, me included. It's awfully convenient for business when a client never quite feels finished.

 

As Black gay men, a lot of us know a specific kind of ache, the one that comes from being desired without being valued. We get welcomed as the fantasy while our ordinary need for tenderness goes unnoticed. Paid attention can ease that. It can also recreate it, especially when being seen turns into one more performance we have to buy or keep up.

 

It does, and the comfort counts. Nobody's relief is less real because a card got swiped. But "it worked" deserves a follow-up question or two. Worked how? And what did it quietly cost?

 

What I want from my own work is for men to leave a little easier in their bodies and clearer about what they will and won't accept, and to take that home with them. I also want us to have places where tenderness doesn't require a credit card, or a convincing show of being desirable enough to deserve it.

 

Paid support has its place. So does belonging that nobody has to buy. Somewhere in the space between the two, healing and hustle start to go their separate ways.

 

Brothers of the Desert is building spaces where Black gay men can connect, be supported, celebrate who we are, and thrive—and we need your support to keep this work moving forward.

 

Your donation helps make possible our health and wellness programs, community gatherings, leadership development, the Brothers of the Desert Wellness Summit, Drumbeat, and other opportunities that strengthen connection and belonging.

 

Make a donation today. Every gift, at every level, helps us reach more people, strengthen our programs, and invest in the future of our community.