No AI is used in the making of this newsletter. 100% human created.

Hi First name / there,

 

It's October and that means its Domestic Violence Awareness Month!

 

For the 4th year in a row I'm partnering with Dr. Vanessa Guyton and her non-profit Hush No More to offer a FREE virtual Girls Fight Back empowerment-based self-defense workshop for women/girls!  

I write this newsletter with a heavy heart considering the news that recently broke about the Cornell 7 (the 7 men who raped and assaulted a woman at a college frat party in 2024 while dozens of men in their frat group chat read their messages announcing the assault as “Free P****” and did nothing. They haven't faced justice). And this isn't the only current news story about a man committing a rape on a college campus and not facing accountability while a survivor is left picking up the pieces of her life. 

 

This is a heavy week for so many of us. Please take the time to take care of yourself and find joy where you can. I've been doing a lot of walks and hanging out with friends' pets because animals are great for emotional regulation.

 

As an advocate and violence prevention educator that has been doing this work daily for over a decade, I am gutted by these stories. I have worked with hundreds of college campuses across the US to educate on these very issues (consent, alcohol facilitated sexual assault, bystander intervention, etc), so this really hits hard. I don't often speak on current news, but I felt compelled to. Enough is enough. Enough has been enough for hundreds, no, thousands of years in which violence against women has been normalized and tolerated by society at large and the power structures in place.

 

This work is personal for me. I'm a survivor whose abusers never faced consequences for what they did to me. The same excuses people made for them 30+ years ago are the same excuses being used to justify violence against women now. This has to change. That's why in addition to the empowerment and safety work I do, my work also encompasses training on consent, respecting boundaries, calling out problematic people/behavior, and changing attitudes around sexual assault. Especially on college campuses. I will not stop doing this work until violence is eliminated.

 

My support is unwavering for Jane Doe. My heart goes out to every survivor. You are seen. You are not alone. You are not to blame. You deserve justice. You deserve healing. What happened to you doesn't define you.

 

It goes without saying that in this conversation about violence against women, I know and acknowledge that men are also survivors of violence. The work I do is inclusive because violence affects every person on Earth either directly or indirectly. So we must all be involved in the prevention efforts from every angle possible.

 

During this time when emotions are high and trauma responses are likely manifesting, we must also refrain from the “either/or” or “this instead of that” way of thinking when addressing these issues. To prevent violence from a primary, secondary, and tertiary framework, we need a “both/and” mindset. It is dialectic. We need to find ways to address perpetration, create meaningful societal change, provide aftercare and support for survivors AND provide women with the skillset to manage their safety throughout their lives.

 

In this newsletter you'll find:

 

 

Standing in solidarity with you all to make the world a better place. 
 

Best,

Nicole

 

With the story of the Cornell 7 in the news and social media feeds right now, this is an important conversation to have and one that has been coming up.

 

People often think that "men protecting women" looks like men physically fighting or intervening in a confrontation between a man/men and woman. 

 

What men protecting women actually looks like, is for men to speak up for women in private spaces...spaces where women aren't present or allowed such as private group chats, locker rooms, parties, etc. Violence is a continuum and abusive/assaultive language precedes abusive behavior. This is a far more likely opportunity to "protect". The men in the group chat on the night the Cornell 7 raped Jane Doe had the opportunity to say or do something to intervene to protect her. 

 

If men aren't willing to stand up for women as a voice of opposition to misogyny, abuse, and disrespect in a room or space without women, then they're not protecting women. They're being complicit in a system that continues to benefit men's comfort and social standing at the expense of women's lives.

Violence prevention is a complex, multi-disciplinary collection of evidence-based strategies that coexist together.

 

These are the 4 violence prevention truths. They are interconnected and they exist simultaneously. Read them all here.

 

The reality is that culture change takes time and violence exists right now.

 

While we all actively work to create a world without violence, we also deserve to have access to life saving and evidence-based safety, protection, and healing skills and the choice to use them. These help us be prepared to deal with the issues of today from a place of confidence and agency.

Katie Jackson interviewed me for this story detailing her terrifying encounters on recent trips. I'm beyond grateful to Katie for the opportunity to share some empowering self-defense, solo hiking, and risk management knowledge.

 

As someone who was also attacked by a man while traveling with a friend in Madrid several years ago, it's important that we don't allow these situations to stop us from doing what we love. Being prepared is powerful! We take back our autonomy when we refuse to live in fear. 

Free Self-Defense Class (Los Angeles)

​I'm thrilled to partner with Trans Defense Fund LA to offer this free self-defense class in-person! Come and learn self-defense basics in this empowerment workshop, specifically tailored for the queer community.

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