Hi First name / There,
This week's newsletter is a bit more of a personal topic but I know that it is one that many of you can relate to.
Have you ever told someone that you have joined the gym, or turned down a slice of cake when you’re out because you’re trying to eat in a more nutritious way, only to be met with an eye roll? Or a “what do you want to do that for?” when you turn down a drink, a “go on, live a little” or my personal favourite, “oh, are you on another health kick?” I’m pretty sure you all know exactly what I mean.
My lifestyle has been called many things over the years, but most recently it has been referred to as a health kick, and that one has really been bothering me (at least enough to write this newsletter).
A kick is something you do for a few weeks before you get bored and go back to normal or move on to the next thing. I have been lifting, eating mostly whole foods and looking after myself for the best part of a decade now so at what point does it stop being a kick?
And since when is wanting to stay strong, feel good and future proof my body for when I’m older something temporary?
But this isn’t really about what anyone thinks of my lifestyle. It’s about how often the people who are supposed to be on our side are the ones who make it the hardest to change. A comment from a stranger is easy enough to shrug off, but when it comes from your partner, your mum or your best friend, it hurts.
And if the people you love don’t believe you can do it, how on earth are you supposed to believe it yourself?
That is what happens to so many women and I have seen it time and time again with my clients. It’s rarely one big dramatic moment, it is lots of little comments, eye rolls and jokes at the dinner table or in your social circle that chip away at you until it feels easier to give up than to keep defending yourself.
I am very lucky to have an amazingly supportive husband who has never once made me feel that way, but unfortunately I know far too many of you don't and I know how much harder that makes everything.
Most of the time the people saying these things aren’t maliciously trying to hurt you and they don't always realise that they are making things just that extra bit harder than they needs to be. They might have watched you start and stop before (we have all been there), they might feel a bit uncomfortable because you changing makes them look at their own habits (this is one of the most common reasons), or they might just not understand it. This doesn't justify their behaviour, but it does help to know it usually says more about them than it does about you.
So what can you do about it?
- Keep going anyway: You don’t need anybody’s validation or permission to look after yourself, and most of the doubters go very quiet once they see you are still at it six months later.
- Tell them what would help: A lot of people would support you if they knew how, so ask them. Ask them to stop commenting on what’s on your plate, or to come for a walk with you on a Sunday.
- Stop explaining yourself: You don’t owe anybody a justification for eating your vegetables, not drinking and going to the gym (just writing that down makes me realise how ridiculous it is that we feel we have to).
- Find at least one person who gets it: A friend, someone at the gym, an online community or a coach. You don’t need a whole cheerleading squad, you just need someone in your corner.
If you are reading this as someone who has had the eye rolls and the "live a little" comments more times than you can count, then let me be the one to tell you that you can do this, and you don’t need anyone else to believe it before you start.
