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Hi friend,
Last week's letter about compensation struck a chord with a few fellow fat folks, who sent me some heart-wrenching replies about the responses they get when asking to be compensated for their labor -- or even suggesting that they shouldn't be asked for free labor.
With her permission, I'd like to share one response from reader B. that adds an additional layer of nuance:
"About a year ago I started enforcing a paid-only appearance boundary with the many people who approach me to speak/present on their podcast, panel discussion, etc.
I made an auto-responder email that clarifies this in a kind and respectful way, and the backlash has been intense! I expected some of the folks (mostly thin white women) who ask for my free labor to push back, but it's been so much more than I expected.
I've had people get the auto responder email and then immediately email me back and curse me out/guilt me/say I'm a scam artist because I asked to be paid - literally any amount - for my time and emotional labor. It's ridiculous. The most offensive one is the scammer accusation.
I spend so much time giving away free content, advice, and sharing my experiences and lessons learned - I literally would accept $50 if that's all they had to pay me. It's the entitlement that makes me so frustrated. I would never assume that I deserved someone's time and energy like that for free."
It's funny how, when I ask to be compensated for my labor, people often simply never respond. But when B. even suggests that her work is valuable enough to pay for, she receives abuse.
B. and I are both fat.
So what's the difference?
I am a fat white woman. B. is a fat woman of color.
Let's all sit with that for a moment.
Now, to the heart of this week's letter:
I don't want to reclaim Ursula.
Released in 1989, Disney's animated movie The Little Mermaid struck me at a formative time in my life. Ariel hit me right in the heart.
Open and sunny and earnest and curious and longing, both of us. Both of us yearning for unexplored territory.
Isolated in rural North Carolina as a child, with no access to TV or magazines, long before consumer internet, bullied with few friends and no adult role models or mentors, I knew just exactly how it felt to hoard scraps of a civilization I had no way to access.
Ariel eventually found her way, while I turned into Ursula, all hips and breasts and pale skin, despised by the rest of the sea.
But I never liked her.
When I discovered fat acceptance, I also found people who admired the sea witch, who dressed as her on Halloween, who identified with and glorified her.
But that didn't resonate with me, either. It was wonderful that people found Ursula's body acceptable, but I find it hard to identify with villains (my D&D alignment is chaotic good), so then I just felt that no roles at all were open to me -- neither the ingenue, nor the villain, nor -- not being a maternal sort -- the matron. (No Mrs. Potts for me, thanks.)
I don't want fat folks to be stuck endlessly reclaiming and identifying with the few archetypes available to us. I want us to be represented in every possible way, so that we can identify with heroes, villains, sidekicks, bystanders and everyone in between.
We shouldn't have to reclaim characters just to have something to identify with.
Image description: A plus-size white yoga teacher guides a fat woman of color in a yoga pose on a blanket and mat in a studio with wooden floors during a class.
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Image description: Lindley, a fat white woman, is shown shoulders up in a heart-patterned dress. She has blonde hair and glasses, and is smiling.
Hi! I'm Lindley.
I'm a photographer and activist (she/her, pronounced LIN-lee) who celebrates the unique beauty of bodies that fall outside conventional "beauty" standards. I live outside Seattle, WA. People come to me for:
Body-safe portrait, boudoir and small business photography sessions
Diverse, body-positive stock photos & fine art prints
Health at Every Size (HAES)-aligned editorial services and consulting
The Body Love Shop, a curated resource for body-positive and fat-positive art and products
