Get your sequins out, we're going to a new year! |
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Happy holidays, First name / friendly peeps of the We Should Get Together fellowship! 🧑🏾🎄 Santa Kat here with an extra big bag of goodies for you, since I won't be visiting your inbox again until 2022. (Did 2021 even happen? Where did it go?) This month is weird — some of us want to wrap the world in twinkle lights and settle into a hot tub full of cocoa, and some of us want to become goddess of the underworld, hiding under a mountain of velour bathrobes until springtime. Some of us want both. 🤷🏾♀️ 🐋 So dive in below… This week we've got some funny stuff, some heartfelt stuff, some random stuff, and invitations to two very exciting events and groups that are kicking off in January — all about the unusual and beautiful ways that we humans try to connect with each other, and how we can get better at that. Oh, and this email is so overflowing with presents, it's likely to be truncated by Gmail so click here to read it all on a webpage. (Take that, character-count overlords!) I promise you'll want to read the entire thing — there's “I'm so glad I clicked on that” treats here all the way til the end. You can also start reading now and come back to finish later when you're sitting at the boarding gate, in need of some midflight food-for-thought, hiding from your family in the bathroom, enjoying a snifter of spiced pear brandy or hardcore non-alcoholic seltzer, or otherwise ready to revel in some good stuff. |
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Let's get this party started |
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If you want to join me in getting pickurious (picky and curious) about how and why we start conversations the way we do, you might like this chuckle-eliciting Twitter thread about how people in different parts of the world kick off a conversation. My favorite so far is the Filipino opener “Have you eaten?” (especially if uttered from behind a full plate of snacks.) More of this, please. I spend far too much time wondering why we do what we do when faced with the liminal space between when we say “hi” and when we feel ok to start the “real” conversation. Why we default to repeating the exact same question ("how are you?"), over the infinite other ways we can begin a conversation or check in about each other's existential crises. To cross the chasm between “let's acknowledge each other's existence” and “let's get to the juicy stuff," linguist Emily Rine Butler says we use “how are you” as a linguistic script, a piece of conversational theater. It's verbal filler made of syllabic packing peanuts. For many, the words “how are you” are just a thin cellophane wrapper that goes straight into the trash bin when it's time to get to the intended conversational bits. And the people who really mean it when they ask “how are you” are unlikely to get a full and genuine answer because the other person defaults to reading their line off the script ("good/fine, and you?"), in this 3-second dialogue do-si-do. This is why I'm unapologetically fanatical about asking questions in a way that more accurately conveys our willingness to listen to a genuine answer, or, skipping the question altogether and just offering a friendly, welcoming statement instead. We can do this, y'all. And I promise it feels really good. |
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Let's switch it up a little. I for one, could go for less of this conversation 👆🏾 and a little more of this conversation. 👇🏾 |
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If you want to soar to the top of the list of “people I like,” please start our conversations with anything except “how are you?” I'm laughing but I'm not kidding. 😅 And if you want to geek out even more about dialogue and the user experience of conversations, dig into: • And an interview with John Koenig, author of The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows (podcast link sent in by Steve — thanks Steve!). In the interview, Koenig shares highlights from his newly-released delight of a book that I was gushing about in the last newsletter, plus callers chime in with words in other languages that we really need in English. |
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another reason Why your conversations might feel weird |
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Some people in conversations default to listening-mode and ask more questions than they answer. Other peeps default to talking-mode, and volunteer a lot more information about themselves than they're eliciting from the other person. The wheels fall off when the balance of asking-n-sharing gets out of whack and neither person is nimble enough to realize what's happening, then wizardly shift the dynamic with some thoughtful attention. This article by McKinley Valentine in P.S. I Love You breaks down what's going on, and some tips on what to do about it. |
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I'm excited to invite you to my new workshop series that's focused on clarifying and living your values, and creating vibrant friendships that bring joy and meaning to life. It's a three-part series — a single ticket gets you into all of the workshops. Session 1: Living La Vida Lovely
Tuesday Jan 18 2022, 5-6:30pm PT
This debut workshop is rooted in one of the foundations of my coaching practice that focuses on making choices that turn your values into actions. It's not about “new years resolutions” that will be forgotten in three days— it's about making choices magnetized by your vision so you create days that you'll enjoy in the moment and that you'll look back on with happy appreciation.
Session 2: Cultivating Connection
Tuesday Jan 25 2022, 5-6:30pm PT
This is one of my most-requested signature workshops that focuses on creating a plan for cultivating friendship and community, whether you want new friends or you want to do a better job maintaining your existing friendships.
Session 3: Brave New Words
Tuesday Feb 1 2022, 5-6:30pm PT
This debut workshop is based the dance of conversation and designing new ways of showing up, so that you can experience more conversations that deliver genuine feelings of connection. All participants will get a digital copy of my Better Conversations 2022 calendar. Just like all my group programs, you're highly likely to make new friends with other participants in this cohort, and you'll walk away with actionable plans to practice and make real throughout the coming year. 🎉 Newsletter subscribers (that's you) get first dibs on tickets and a discount! Use promo code ONTHELIST25 to save $25 if you register by Dec 31st. Enrollment: $147 USD. Since my workshops involve a lot of personal sharing and I want people to feel comfortable, they are not recorded and distributed to people who were not present for them live. You gotta be in the room when it happens. |
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How to give more compliments |
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If you want to give more compliments, and feel more at-ease while doing it, check out these tips from author Vanessa Bohns, in this 2-min video interview with Daniel Pink on the Pinkcast. |
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Over the last couple years, numerous people in the We Should Get Together community have expressed their desire to be better allies to people of color, — and as a Black woman I totally support that. If you're looking for more resources to develop your capacity as an ally, plus resources you can share with your white friends and family to spark conversation, reflection, or goals for growth, thank you. I've shared past resources like this and this, and today I'd like to share another: Seeing White, a 14-part podcast series made by Scene on Radio, a Peabody-nominated documentary series in partnership with PRX, the public radio exchange. It's made for white folks, by white folks, to help each other learn and grow. Each episode is 15-60ish minutes long. It's not even for me and I binged the first half of the season — everything I've heard on it so far has been FULLY on point. Please listen to and share it with your friends and family. |
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You still have time to listen to the Podcast Brunch Club playlist for December then hop into the upcoming discussion circles. This month's theme is Kindness. Check out the podcast playlist and join the group to get the scoop on the event dates, times, and event links. (Or, hey, start a podcast discussion group based on the Seeing White playlist linked above. Or both!) |
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In Feb 2022, my fifth cohort of Designer-to-Author will be starting up. If you — or any of your colleagues working in design, engineering, content design, product management, technical project management, graphic design or similar roles — would like to be a part of it, I'd love to have you. Our live call dates will be on Feb 5 & 19 and March 5 & 19 (doncha love when the months line up like that?) Let's get your book out. Get the full scoop about each session of the course and as a subscriber you can use promo code AUTHOR25 to save $25 at checkout. Not sure if the course is for you, or just have some questions about it? Let's have a quick chat on the phone this Thursday: Grab a spot here. |
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The storytelling Mastery Summit |
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Leadership and storytelling go hand-in-hand. If you want to dramatically level up your storytelling skills in just one day, join me on Jan 14 at @camilledeputter's Storytelling Mastery Summit, an exclusive, highly-interactive event for thought leaders who want to develop their storytelling skills so they can make a bigger impact with their thoughts and ideas. Hosted by storytelling specialist Camille DePutter, the summit also features Enrika Greathouse, Molly Galbraith, Janae Marie Kroc, and Steve Mesler. With a dynamic, interactive format and attendance cap of 15 people, you’ll learn directly from expert storytellers and peers.
You’ll discover how to:
⭐️ Define your personal brand and become known for what you want to be known for.
⭐️ Increase the effectiveness of all your marketing efforts.
⭐️ Create deeper connections with your team members, audience, and community.
⭐️ Amplify your story to create the change you want to see in the world.
⭐️ Build a following and movement around your big idea.
Does your company offer personal or professional development funds? Register to use them for this! The summit will give you actionable skills to use at your workplace, as well as in your own personal development goals and projects too.
Enrollment: $1,000 USD. There are a limited number of scholarships available. |
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Making sparkly decorations this month? Glitter microplastics pollute the environment (and as anyone who has ever spilled it knows, is near impossible to clean up) so someone figured out how to make a biodegradable glitter made from fruit. One small change I've made that adds exponentially more peace to my life is the Chrome extension called HideFeed. It replaces the attention-grabbing feeds on social media with a calming nature photo from Google Earth. This keeps me focused on what I went there to do, without falling into a bunch of rabbit holes, unless I specifically choose to drink from the feed's firehose. HideFeed doesn't track you, sell your info, or cost anything (unless you want the Pro version). Enjoy the silence. |
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❤️ Thanks for hanging with me this year. When I started this newsletter, I wasn't sure anyone else out there would be interested in hearing about the kinds of things I think about, geek out about, nerdily ruminate and voraciously research about, or just plain find delightful. So it's really wonderful to have you here, truly. It feels a lot less lonely to live in my mind when I can share all this with you (and when some of you write back to share your thoughts, discoveries, reactions, and feelings too. :) So thank you for being here, and for caring about connection, and for bringing yourself with intention to the relationships that matter to you. That is absolutely what the world needs now. I hope you're on the receiving end of such a gift right now too, and even moreso in the new year. You deserve it. XOXO, |
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✨✨✨ P.S. Calendars are running out and the last day to buy 'em in 2021 is next Monday 12/20, so make today the day. Grab your copy of the Better Conversations 2022 Calendar and I'll send it via my fastest hummingbird. |
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If you liked this letter, spread the love. Forward it to a friend or coworker who would enjoy it too. ❤️ |
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