THE NUMBER OF TYPOS IN THE LAST EMAIL. SHEESH. 

I became better and did better to show up for ya'll today. 

 

 

 

 

 

….cue dramatic pause. 

 

 

 

 

If you HAVE NOT found yourself frustrated with nutrition, exercise, or have never tried everything in your power to change your body in the name of health and wellness, then you can skip this week and come back next week for part two of lasts week’s portion ‘control’ email. 

(We’ll be talking tangibles while breaking down the different ways to portion control, their pros and cons, as well as best-practices for making sure you don’t accidentally abuse these useful tools by mistaking them for processes or strategies...)

 

Say it with me, “Tools are friends, not strategies.” 

 

But THIS week, I'd like to share my own experience of breaking free from non-stop exercise and diet plans, my short stint in bodybuilding and the supplement industry/what it taught me, and how going back to school to get a Masters in nutrition, exercise, and behavior research lead me from being an ill-informed personal trainer throwing macro-plans at clients, to a Wellness Strategist and shame-free Nutritionist. 

 

I'm not going to lie, I haven't fully come to terms with the fact that I got a degree that qualifies me as a ‘scientist’... like, I can’t imagine anyone putting that on their ‘when I grow up’ list. I've had ‘rockstar’ written on mine since the dawn of time. 

 

But I think my unquenchable curiosity about the world mixed with my obsession with microscopes as a kid manifested itself into adult-Kelsie. 

 

And speaking of adult me… She took many forms to get here.   

 

One of those forms is what lead me to doing the work I do now. Being here is the result of my entire ‘journey’ through health, wellness, and fitness, my curiosity of nutrition, exercise, and how the body works, moves, and changes, and my struggle with admirable character traits like discipline, willpower, self-esteem, confidence, and self-perception.

 

 

At any point in time in young adulthood, you could expect that I was on some diet, had decided to go vegan one week and, SHOCKER, pescatarian the next, dedicating every meal to the same, daily, macro-approved-menu for MONTHS at a time (whose macros, calories, portions, and food choices I can still recite by memory if asked,) AND gulping down a cocktail of supplements with a gallon of water…Every. Single. Day. 

 

 

 

I rarely skipped a workout- weight lifting between 5-7 days a week, 2-4 hours at a time- and making up for “oops” and sweet-treats with a minimum of 3-5 hours of stair-stepping, ladder-climbing, cycle-licious cardio… Every. Single. Week. 

 

 

6-pack on my tummy. 

FIVE square, tupperware meals a day with carefully weighed macronutrients optimized for maximal muscle growth.

Shredded finer than a damn carrot I WAS… 

 

(I’d show you, but my ab-obsessed-self is naked and pulling up on my skin to really emphasis those oblique cuts in most pictures, so I’ll spare you the boner for today.)

 

 

 

Annnnd in retrospect, it was. I would not wish that daily grind and unquenchable lack of satisfaction on anyone. 

 

Bonus- a lot was self-inflicted because I simply didn’t have the tools or information I desperately needed to BE ABLE to see that my self-esteem, confidence, AND body image were being held captive, and even made worse, by the person I thought I SHOULD be: 

 

The person who gets up stupid early to #grind

Never missed a workout

Drinks green juices ‘for the nutrients’

Happily orders salads while out

Only drinks vodka sodas because having fun requires less calories in order to be ‘worth’ it

 

While none of those things are inherently problematic on their own accord, the problem

was that I did all of this because I thought I had to- because it ‘worked.' 

 

 

 

With all that being unclear to me when first navigating my own “healthy” lifestyle, my bullheaded, energetic, motivated-for-no-reason ass was running full steam ahead into every  obstacle, pothole, and wall imaginable. 

 

In retrospect, I’m fully aware that I was blaming myself for everything that 

wasn’t in my control, only to neglect what was in my control. 

 

At that point in time, I was blinded by my ignorance and my convoluted desire to fulfill my happiness through a ‘healthy lifestyle’ alone. I thought being THAT version of my best self would fix SO many things- in how I viewed myself, my body, could ‘prove’ my own discipline, amongst many other unrelated skills that I desired to have, but are not remotely learned by consistently exercising or eating like a Green Goddess. 

 

 

When I hit my goals, I was never happy about it. I was on to the next thing, would beat myself up for all the ways it could have been better, or I would come to a problem that I couldn’t solve and give up altogether.

 

 

 

(This mess of a man… My apologies, my trailer park roots couldn't resist the reference.)

 

 

And for some people, like me at the time, it's one of few things I ever talked about. I was all about new workout clothes, the best theories on targeting fat-loss and building ‘lean’ muscle, and posting selfies online for ‘accountability’ and ‘inspiring others’… SO much to unpack here. The mental gymnastics I had to do just to justify this behavior to myself- WOOF. 

another email topic planned to come soon! 

 

If your story is anything like mine, you know that synopsis doesn’t even BEGIN to cover the long nights, early mornings, and the highs and lows of incessant, criticizing, self-talk. 

 

 

We dig our misguided, misinformed, talons into our own self-perception so deeply that you can't tell ‘healthy’ from ‘dysfunctional’ until the consequences begin rearing their ugly heads.

 

 Not only are your expectations skewed due to SO many external influences AND 

a myriad of personal reasons but you become vulnerable to every shiny object promising you the thing you’ve been searching for- and for many of us, that search has already been a decade, or more. 

 

My own “decades-long-struggle” started with a rough time as a kid, was perpetuated by my sport of choice, dance, and then continued throughout college. The ‘awe' I had about what my body was ‘capable’ of was not a healthy, personal challenge- as most people 

 

I was not being paid to dedicate so much time of my life to this. I was not a career athlete or trying to make it into the olympics- it was a misguided attempt, and obsession, with what I thought was self-improvement, but was really an ill-informed way to channel my dissatisfaction with where my life was at that point in time. 

 

Self-help books. Mindset gurus out the ass. Every healthy cook book in existence. Calorie-free, fat-free, low-sugar, maximum-capacity workouts to ‘push’ myself (code-word for burn the most calories or build the most muscle) and jam-packed days. 

 

An obsession that carried on for YEARS and was advocated for, and applauded by, friends, fitness-gurus, mentors, co-workers, creepy older-men from the gym that I had NO business being with, and my family….

 

 

Not to be mistaken, our friends with peni have their own stereotyped standards of being ripped, hyper-masculine, loveless robots that do nothing but drink beer, lift weights, and make mad-money working in a variety of mechanical, medical, and technical trades, or deep-thought leadership roles, only to gain the upmost respect from those reaching for the 

same standard. 

 

It was my deep-rooted alignment with this way of thinking, and surrounding myself in an echo-chamber of people who thought the same way- to greater or lesser depth- that lead me straight into the fitness world of bodybuilding, then landing an internship with one of the biggest names in the supplement industry, globally. 

 

 

When I say I was a crumble of a person… BRUH. I was a person buried under the rubble of misguided expectations, years of family-drama and trauma that was never properly dealt with much less questioned (#GrowingUpEvangelical), and the unquenched fear that I would never amount to anything if I didn’t try to be and do EVERYTHING.

 

 

Needless to say, the building-back-up was forcibly requiring me to learn harsh truths about myself, face them head on, and tackle them one (tiny) step at a time.

 

 

While I wish I could say it was worth it… *it was NOT worth it*... I’m glad to now be here with you all, and coaching people to avoid all the above. Because god DAMN, I could have been putting all my time, energy, money AND focus… focus especially; into things that 

1. Actually mattered… and 2. actually made me happy. 

 

When I tell you diets and exercise plans don’t work, that you can’t hate-love relationship your way to a healthy lifestyle- I’m not speaking out of my ass, I’m speaking from intimate 

 

When I tell you that checking boxes for workouts, weighing and measuring every bit of food, or tracking your weight is a sure-to-fail approach to a healthy lifestyle that leads nowhere fast- I’m speaking from expertise. 

 

When I tell you your expectations are asinine and might BE the reason you’re so unhappy… I’m speaking from having used a variety of tools correctly alongside curated wellness strategies to successfully lead that journey for many OTHER people. 

 

 

Annnnd that’s why I’m here, now- to keep people level-headed with informed decision-making, support them through the many lessons and obstacles I had to overcome alone, and hold them accountable to staying true to themselves, their values, and the ones they love by keeping the MOST important things in focus at ALL times. 

 

What people don’t realize, when they get all jacked up on mountain dew and pre-workout, is that what you do to get your body somewhere, is often what you have to do to keep it there

If you want to keep dropping the ball in other areas of an ever-changing life just so you can maintain and prioritize an unhealthy, unrealistic, unnecessary physical state- then you already know what time it is: 

 

 

But for me and my clients, we’re headed in another direction- since fretting about finding ‘missing’ calories in your condiments is NOT worth the surmounting turmoil year after year. And in 2022 and beyond, we are not settling for surviving, we are here to thrive:

EAT, not restrict or binge

REST, not numb

MOVE, not punish

WORK, not slave

SERVE, not neglect

And PLAY ALL DAY. 

 

Because we are the party people- here for a good time, not a long time. (But we still want to eat salads and workout sometimes!)

 

Should you, also, care to dream of radical transparency where your definition of wellness means holding space for ALL the priorities in your life, not just on changing your appearance, then apply to work with me so we can get you thriving sooner than later. 

 

And if you don’t have the means, this newsletter, along with all the other great resources, accounts, expertise, and educators I share FOR FREE is where it’s at. DIY might take longer, but I'm telling you that process needs to happen regardless. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

•If coaching is a good fit, we'll get you started. 

•If not, we'll get you turned around in the RIGHT direction!

 

The Golden Ticket has been found!