Dear First name / friend

 

Last week, I spoke to you about reflecting change in nature when thinking about New Year's resolutions and considering the smallest first changes that come about. It's crazy to think that New Year's Eve was only six days ago; it's felt like so much has happened in a short space of time.

 

How do you feel about January? Often there's mixed emotions, or perhaps just one overriding emotion that tastes much like displeasure. I feel sorry for January, in the same way I feel bad for Mondays: it seems to have this reputation for being bleak and depressing. 31 days to just “get through”. No more Christmas; not much money; not much sun. 

 

 

We live in a world of polar opposites: yes/no; north/south; happy/unhappy; good/bad. Where's the middle ground? Our society functions this way: you're either fearful or fearless; you're selfish or selfless; you're either happy or you're not. Like the pendulum on an old grandfather clock, we swing constantly between zero and one hundred. 

My favourite quote that I come back to time and time again is the words of Shakespeare, often adopted in discussions around Stoic philosophy: 

 

In the same vein as last week's discussion around change in nature starting with one leaf falling at the end of summer, we can see that there are few polarities in nature. Instead, things are gradual; they are graded and gentle. 

 

I think the above quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet is infinitely wise: we are our own worst enemies. January isn't good or bad, it's how we choose to see it and perhaps we can choose to see it as somewhere in the middle, on equanimous ground. 

 

January doesn't need to be the best month, or the worst month. It doesn't mean you need to be deeply unhappy, just because you're not 100% ecstatic. Maybe we can just take January as it comes, the good days and the bad, and we might just find it's not that different from any other month.

 

Mindful tip: What don't you like about January? Can you lean into this discomfort, and figure out what unmet need lies beneath? It may be harder to get what you need in the winter months, but, with a little effort, we all have the ability to be the thing that we feel we're lacking. 

I'm excited to share with you my first yoga workshop that I'm hosting alongside my good friend Vix. This workshop is called Joy in January and its focus will be on finding little moments of calm, joy, gentleness and gratitude in a month that can sometimes feel more challenging than others (see above!).

 

You can find all the details and go straight to the booking link here:

 

January can feel difficult. If you're feeling overwhelmed, try mentally paring back and looking again. It's why on home decorating shows (my fave) they empty the room completely and then re-assess the space. 

 

Mindful tip: James Clear wrote about this in his newsletter this week: “Imagine all your responsibilities and obligations vanish overnight. What would you miss doing? What would you choose to add back to your life?”. When we take away, it gives us the space to add back in.

 

P.S. Regular classes start again tomorrow - see you there!

 

To take the above point on polarities a little further, I want to talk to you about the middle ground between being selfish and selfless. I've struggled with this, significantly. Being selfless implies, I now come to see, a lack of boundaries around one's own time and a lack of respect and appreciation for what you deserve and need. Putting everyone else's needs above your own can feel like the saintly path to take, but it's not a sustainable nor fulfilling path to find yourself down. 

 

The middle ground here is to be self-full: to fill yourself up first so that you can be there for others. (I think I finally understand the livelong metaphor of putting on your own oxygen mask first.)

 

When I respect the boundaries of time within my GP consultations, it can feel uncomfortable, but, in doing so, I'm making sure I have enough energy to give to my patients tomorrow and keeping 'my self full' in order that I can keep on helping without burning out.  

 

Mindful tip: Do you consider being selfless a good thing? Society certainly leads us to believe so. Have a think about how you can maintain your own boundaries whilst being of and in service to others: how can you settle between the polar opposites of selfishness and selflessness to find sustainable ground?