I was on Zoom recently and kind of felt like an undercover agent:
I'd joined a group of folks with a prominent belief that I didn't share.
But the people seemed kind so I stayed to learn what I came to learn and ignored the rest. And the stuff I learned is helping me to solve a big problem of mine.
“Undercover agents” are welcome here. Unless my guiding beliefs (below) are too grievous for you to ignore, look for something that can connects us.
As well as connect you with your neighbors.
If we're to heal social divisiveness and spread a culture of care in the world, our task is to be fast about looking for connection points and slow about writing people off.
Daryl Davis is a black man who's spent decades making friends with members of the Ku Klux Klan. He and his first KKK friend connected over liking the same music.
I'm no Daryl—nor do I aspire to be—but I once made friends with a neighbor who called me “colored” to my face. On the flip side, I distanced myself from a neighbor who only said acceptable things in my presence and treated me with kindness.
I'll explain how and why all that happened next time. Here's a message for now:
Village making is about being caring, NOT being accommodating to a fault.
So now you know I ain't tryna to tie myself in knots to be hospitable to you (XOXO), here are my guiding beliefs, some of which are included in
this PDF that I shared.
Belief 1: We are all one.
We're interconnected and interdependent. So, by loving our neighbors we're in fact loving ourselves. By damning our neighbors, we're in fact damning ourselves.
Belief 2: As within, so without.
Our inner world—our way of thinking, fueled by the way we feel—creates our outer reality, not the other way around.
To make the lives and world we want, we must shift from retelling how bad things are to imagining how we want them to be to start bringing our preferences to life.
Belief 3: Decisions matter more than beliefs.
Our beliefs aren't always the truth but thoughts we think so much they stick, for better or worse. We can decide to think the most constructive thoughts that we can—and behave accordingly—even as new beliefs get embedded in our bones.
Belief 4: Power flows where focus goes.
Despite our best intentions, we feed what we fight. We shall overcome—and feel more alive—by using things we can’t accept as inspiration to create: to clarify what we want and make it flourish with our attention and imagination, our creative power.
Belief 5: Our emotions matter more than what we do.
Bad-feeling emotions can thwart our best actions.
Emotions = Energy we feel that becomes energy we emit.
Not only does our energy put us in or out of resonance with people, it works that way with creative thinking. Good-feeling moods and emotions put us in resonance with intelligence—e.g., inspiration, vision, intuition, curiosity—that powers our progress.
Instead of pushing harder, I believe in feeling better—like through resting, playing, deliberate daydreaming, communing with nature—to gain mental clarity and acuity.
So how do those beliefs sit with you?
Well, I hope (or well enough) because they'll underpin most (if not all) tips to follow.
OK, "see” you in two weeks with the stories about my neighbors that I promised.
P.S. Today's message is longish; they'll get pithier the more we get acquainted.
