There is a change going on in me, and putting labels on myself does not fit at the moment. It is probably because I have written more this year than ever, and now I really feel like a writer/author. And I am increasingly focusing on making autonomous work, such as paintings, drawings, and texts for my own products. I still work as an illustrator (someone who makes drawings to accompany a text, usually on commission), but as these other two are coming more and more to the fore, I will have to organise my time slightly differently.
Shifting again
This is not the first time my areas of work are shifting. Almost 14 years ago, it shifted from graphic design to illustration.
On the one hand, I enjoy stability and long for rest. That makes me stick to what I have for a very long time. But it's like an itch that needs to be scratched. In recent years, I have tasted what it was like to invent, write, and paint, just as I once did. To create something from within myself rather than from someone else, which is what commissioned work usually is anyway.
A combination of autonomous work and collaborating with others would be wonderful. Because even when I create something from within myself, like my book, I notice how nice it is to collaborate with good people, like the editor who made my book a lot better.
When labels are excluding
You might now be thinking, 'Why do you care about those labels'? I would be thinking that myself if you had written this. But people like to put other people in boxes for clarity and peace of mind. And it does actually matter, as I experienced last week.
A while back, I worked hard on two applications for artist residencies in the Netherlands. I thought it would be great to be able to devote a large chunk of my time to my autonomous work for a few months in a beautiful location. Such a residency gives you the opportunity to do so and covers a large part of the board and lodging during that period. A real luxury! But for both applications, I received an official letter saying that I was not allowed to participate. According to the fund, I am not an artist because I also work as an illustrator.
There I was, with my art school degree and hard work. If a fund thinks you are not an artist, you can forget about a residency.
I wondered if all the artists who have a job alongside their art practice (being able to make a full living from your art is very difficult) are being rejected. Maybe they will be told that they should not work as museum attendants or parcel deliverers. Who knows. Labels do determine how people sometimes see you; that much is clear.
Developing without a label sticking to you
So no labels for me for a while, in order not to be pigeonholed. But foremost, to further develop myself. Giving myself some time and space to develop means that I will temporarily put some things on hold. I don't always find saying 'no' easy, especially if it's an assignment I actually really like. But this rest and space are much needed for another reason, because since my burnout diagnosis in 2021, I have never really taken a rest. I'm paying a big price for that, as I know now after two years.
So time to take a step back to get better and to give myself rest. To catch my breath and look around me after all those years of running. What do I want to stop doing? What do I want to continue with? What do I want to start with? Asking those three questions to yourself will give some clarity.
As long as I am in the process of resting and figuring things out, I will call myself nothing for a while. I don't have to do anything for a while. And labels? We'll see about that later.
