There was this thing I did that got on my friend's nerves.
Eventually, she told me about it. And while it never feels good to have someone frown on your behavior (especially someone you really like), I was glad that she did once I shook off the sting of it.
So when my neighbor's sarcasm rubbed me the wrong way again recently, I gently expressed my displeasure to him in the way that my friend had to me.
The way I see it …
Expressing displeasure can be an expression of care.
Had my friend not cared about preserving our bond, she could have grown resentful and pulled away over something that was SO not a big deal for me to stop doing. But by expressing her displeasure, she both preserved and tightened our bond.
Expressing displeasure can boost confidence for both the giver and receiver.
I now have reason to feel confident that should I cause my friend displeasure in the future, she'll express it to me. As for her, she has reason to feel confident that I'll take her displeasure with grace (even if I might also wince).
As for my neighbor, I considered not telling him that his most recent sarcastic joke really bugged me: he was moving soon and I imagined we'd fall out of touch. But I felt that staying quiet until then wouldn't be kind to him or myself.
Pretending everything's fine upsets the peace of the pretender. Ditto for the pretendee who knows that something's up but doesn't know what.
Our friends started off as people who crossed our paths.
Our neighbors might do that as much as, if not more than, our now besties.
So my motto is to treat neighbors like friends just in case.
But kick 'em to the curb if their jokes make you mad! (KIDDING!)
