If you read my recent story about me helping my neighbor “Bob” when he's ill, you might have been tempted to put me in the more laudable position—after all, the Bible says it's more blessed to give than receive, and I am in the giver's seat.
I'll give a plot twist on giving and receiving in a second. My point now is that it seemed as if Bob was beginning to feel indebted to me. That was a dynamic I wanted to stop, and I had an aha! about how when dreading going to the store for a printer cartridge:
I could ask Bob for the gift of printing some pages for me instead.
I did that, and he seemed to have appreciated the chance to help me—after all, the Bible says it's more blessed to give than receive, and he was in the giver's seat.
I still walk Bob's dog when he can't and pick up an odd grocery item or two for him.
The difference is that now I also look for ways to give him requests to give to me!
Here's the plot twist I promised:
In Kabbalah, or Jewish mysticism, receiving is a form of giving.
Perhaps this makes sense if you've ever felt bad by someone INSISTING on paying you for something that you bought them as a gift.
In other words, they didn't GIVE you the pleasure of RECEIVING your kind gesture.
So when the Bible says it's more blessed to give than receive, an esoteric way of reading that is that there can be two blessed givers in the same exchange:
The person offering a gift and the person receiving the kindness.
With all the giving and receiving and receiving as giving going on in this story, my thinking is getting muddled. But the point I want to make (I think, LOL) is that…
It's generous (if not wise) to think of everyone as having something to give and to give them opportunities to do so.
I'd say this is especially the case for anyone at risk of being deemed too young, too old, too ill or too whatever to make a positive contribution.
My mom is 94.
And you'd better believe that I give her the gift of jobs to do around the house.
I also ask her to remind me of things and for advice on creative projects.
Who can you give the gift of a considered request?
By “considered" I mean listen to what the person says and make a request accordingly. My mother, for example, used to say that she wished she could be of more help to me. So one of my gifts to her was a request to fold laundry.
P.S. Last time, I mentioned not feeling thrilled, generally, by getting unscheduled calls to chat. One of you kindly shared a resource for anyone looking talk to someone but who has grouchy friends like me :-) :
AARP Friendly Voice program
Trained & caring volunteers.
English: 888-281-0145
Spanish: 888-497-4108
9-5 local time
