Dear grace-girl,
Welcome to Week Three of Parenting in Grace, our dive into creating a Jesus-centered family culture!
- In Week One, we talked about how Jesus is our source to fill any lack we feel as we walk through this culture-shaping process.
- Last week, we talked through what family culture is and two practical steps you can take this week to influence your family's culture for Christ.
- This week, we're breaking down how to shape your family by grace.
If you've been around here for more than a minute or follow me on
Instagram, you know
my love of dogs, shelter dogs specifically. For three years, the girls and I have volunteered with abused, neglected, and abandoned dogs at our local animal shelter. A desire to learn more about dog behavior is why I love the National Geographic show,
Dog: Impossible.
In the show, dog behavior specialist Matt Beisner helps aggressive dogs overcome their fears so they can become normal, functional dogs. Beisner's underlying philosophy is that there are no bad dogs, but there are scared ones. He posits that aggression is misplaced fear and insecurity. Through training + socialization with other dogs and humans, most aggressive dogs can become happy members of a family and their community.
Two concepts Matt uses regularly that fascinate me to no end are:
- Saying your dog's name in an upbeat tone has a better response rate than being firm and angry (upbeat like you're saying the word “Treat!”). When you're trying to get your misbehaving dog's attention, far better to say it in a happy tone than a commanding voice.
- Humans shouldn't use dogs to fill their emotional needs. Instead, humans should commit to love, respect, care for, and meet the needs of their dogs.
In essence, Matt teaches his viewers how to treat dogs with grace.
Just as we might say our dog's name in a happy, cheerful voice, we can also speak to our kids with kindness and gentleness, calling out what good we see in them, or what Gary calls, wooing. He shares it this way: “Wooing slips in the back door saying something could be; scolding barges in the front door saying something should be… Wooing is an invitation that leaves people free to accept or reject what we’re saying, offering, or suggesting. "
"Wooing is the ‘could’ to scolding's ‘should.’"
Instead of criticizing, scolding, and fault-finding, we can woo our kids into connection with us and through that, connection with Jesus, the ultimate woo-er of hearts.
And just like dog owners shouldn't look for pets to meet needs, Gary also reminds us that we shouldn't use our family as a way to find peace and validation that only Jesus offers. In fact, depending on our kids to affirm our worth and value will only need to a family culture of disharmony. Instead, if we “get our peace right,” as Gary says, by recognizing that Jesus is the source of our peace and identity, our family is shaped by grace and not by our neediness.
