I was listening to a class taught by a trauma-informed psychotherapist this week, and I wasn't expecting that it would influence my client experience like this.
Let me explain.
All of us as humans experience trauma of different levels in our lives. And what does trauma do? It stores in the body, affects our perception of what we're experiencing… and it creates trauma-responses.
Like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
But because we're humans even at work, these responses can show up in our professional interactions, no matter how hard we try not to let them. And while you may not be at the point of seeing them in yourself….
You've DEFINITELY seen them in a client or customer interaction.
Like… getting a snarky email from a client, or sending a proposal to an excited lead only to never hear from them again, or going through revision round number 2987234987, or having followers get a little too close to copying you.
Bet you didn't know these were tied to trauma responses, did you?
Learning about why we behave this way brought so much compassion for what we all go through as humans and try to overcome on a daily basis. Life can be really hard sometimes, even when we give it our best efforts.
Why Clients Fight
It's a response to what feels like an injustice, but it might not even be you they're really yelling at. It could be that their partner didn't take the trash out for the millionth time and now they can't find their login information and WHY IS TECH SO HARD AND EVERYTHING ON ME TO FIGURE OUT?!
I learned that if you let someone express their anger, the body will actually de-escalate itself during the release. As much as you may not want to get on a call with someone who's activated, letting an angry client/customer express their full frustration is the best way to calm the situation. Nine times out of ten, they'll start to self-regulate, explain what may not be your fault, and often present a path towards resolution.
Why Clients Flee
Most of us have seen this in the realm of money and decision making. It's the famous ghost 👻 But what may seem like an unkind avoidance or dismissal of you, may actually be their own fear and vulnerability towards risk. A LOT of people struggle with money and especially big investments. A lot of people also don't trust in their own decision-making abilities.
Don't push a client to go beyond their limits, try to give the power back to them. Don't over-engage, chase, or force someone into taking action, especially when money is involved.
A gentle reminder, some support in what to consider when choosing a concept, or even an offer to answer questions or talk it through can ease that urge to run.
Why Clients Freeze
We often freeze when we're overwhelmed, and perfectionists know this better than anyone else. It's when we feel all the emotions at once and become hyper-fixated and obsessed, or non-committal and distant.
This might look like going through a gazillion edits to “get it right," not feeling quite ready yet to launch, or procrastinating on doing what we know is the right next step.
The key to getting out of a freeze state is going from the head to the heart, feeling over thinking. You can't mentally push through, you need a sensual release. That could look like asking your client to take a deep breath before you talk about the project, or asking how an idea makes them feel instead of if they like it or to “tell me your thoughts.”
Why Clients Fawn
Have you ever gotten obsessed with an influencer? You know it's not rational, but you really believe if you could only get the items from their Amazon shopping list your home would actually be as beautiful, clean, and well-lit as theirs? This can actually be a trauma response where we try to imitate instead of applying what we're learning to our own situations. I believe it's the breeding ground for copying.
You can gently redirect by saying something like “I love that you're inspired by what I've done with my business/life, but I want to talk about how this could work in your world!"
I'm still new to learning about how I can have a better trauma-informed business that brings out the best in our clients and team, but I found this SO fascinating and had to share!
