If you know me, you know I am rarely at a loss for words. 

 

I am a talker.

A chatty Cathy.

A wordy, verbose, extrovert that has a hard time shutting up. 

 

I have written and rewritten this Mother’s Day themed newsletter 5 times over the past week and I am just really struggling with what to say that doesn’t feel trite (“Every day should be Mother’s Day!”) or whiny (“I mean, every freaking day should be Mother’s Day, am I right?!”) or saccharine (“Just being a Mom makes every day Mother’s Day!”).

As I sit with this and try to get curious about it, I think it speaks to my ambivalence about the holiday and, in a larger sense, the complexity of what it means to “be a Mom”, not just on this coming Sunday, but every day. 

 

As an infamously bad gift-giver, holidays like this are a little fraught for me. 

 

(If you want to know what I mean when I say “bad gift-giver”, I will just let you know I once bought my husband a duvet cover for Christmas. It was flannel. We lived in LA. And he was a 22 year old dude. In my defense, my parents gave me used office supplies for my 2nd grade Christmas present, so I come by it honestly.)

Mother's Day. 

Valentine’s Day.

New Year’s Eve.

 

All of these holidays feel like a set-up to feel both overwhelmed with the pressure to “do” something and a fantastic way to set yourself up to be disappointed. 

 

Valentine’s Day, for example, feels like a manufactured pressure cooker of a day in which there is an expectation of some big display to show or prove or perform your love. (Yuck.) But an overpriced dinner or a dozen roses seems totally unrelated to what it means to actually love someone, deeply and authentically, the other 364 days of the year. 

My kind of Valentine's Day sentiment.

And yet. 

 

Even with knowing that, there can be this feeling of “SHOULD” when you feel like “everyone else” is getting showered with jewelry or chocolates. 

 

So if the idea of “Mother’s Day” fills you with a weird combo feelings, like dread or guilt or sadness or disappointment, you are not alone. 

 

Because, just like how a bouquet of flowers on February 14th has little to do with the actual happiness of your romantic relationship, your experience of being a Mom has nothing to do with whether you get breakfast in bed or a homemade card from your kids on May 11th.

 

 

It is simultaneously incredibly profound and mind-numbingly boring. It can fill you with a full body sense of gratitude in a way you never thought possible, then fill you with a rage the likes of which you couldn’t have previously imagined…often in the span of 3 minutes. 

 

It can feel like the most important thing you will ever do 

and the most thankless thing you will ever do, 

The Moms get it Jimmy.

It is hard to encapsulate this experience in a Hallmark greeting card or sum it up nicely on one of those postage stamp sized cards they put in the flower vase with the clear pitchfork looking thing. (Although I do get a kick out of those teeny tiny envelopes. I mean, how do they make them so small!?)

 

So if this Mother's Day, with whatever you do or don’t have planned, 

feels like it doesn’t match the experience that is being a Mom, 

that is because it doesn’t.

 

 It is because it can’t. 

 

As a Mom, I can tell you that there is nothing that my kids (or let’s be real, my husband) could do that would really acknowledge the gravity of what I do for them, day in and day out. 

 

But also having a Mom, an incredible Mom, plus an incredible mother-in-law (I know, how many people can say that?), I also know that there is nothing I can do that would really begin to acknowledge the gravity of what they have done, and continue to do, for me, day in and day out.

 

Tell 'em Tina.

Maybe being a Mom- and having a Mom- is an experience that defies words. (Though I have managed to write a lot of them.) Maybe it is something that can’t be captured in a massage or staycation day at a hotel. Maybe it is something that is bigger than all of us, something almost, dare I say it…divine. 

 

Because, let’s be honest, Moms are miracles. 

And getting to have a Mom is a miracle.

And getting the chance to be a Mom is a miracle. 

 

And maybe in the presence of a miracle all we need to do, 

all we really can do, 

is sit and just marvel at it. 

 

Maybe this is why we don't have days dedicated to the ocean or the mountains or the stars. And maybe this is why things like earth and nature are referred to as Mother Earth and Mother Nature. 

 

Doing this work with parents and families for the past 11 years, I can tell you that I am constantly marveling at all of you. I have seen Mom after Mom do nothing short of perform miracles over the years. It has been a profound inspiration to me as a parent as well as an absolute privilege of my life to witness.  

 

Whether you are celebrating being a Mom or having a Mom, may your Mother’s Day be filled with a deep sense of awe and wonder at what it means to be a Mom. 

 

Take a moment and marvel at the Moms in your life, including yourself.

 

And as we discussed this time last year,

You deserve it.

Happy Mother's Day.

 

You've got this,

PS: If you want a Mother's Day giggle,

 this really made me laugh.

If someone forwarded this to you, 

welcome!

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