In light of today's topic, let's read Paul the Apostle's teaching in Colossians 3:12-14. He casts a vision for how believers should interact in community with each other in a way that glorifies God.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. -Colossians 3:12-14 NLT
While Paul never uses the word "safety," notice how each attitude fosters a secure environment in our Bible study groups and churches. I've bolded the words that describe the attitudes and behaviors that not only reflect the way of Jesus but also the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit.
When I look at this passage, the phrase "bear with each other" stands out to me. We want people to come to Bible study, but do we bear with them?
Groups are made up of imperfect people, including us. We want people to grow in their faith, but we're not in charge of how fast people grow. Some fruit grows fast, and some fruit grows slowly. Most people grow slowly through their spiritual struggles. They make the same mistakes repeatedly. Still, you're called to bear with them—just as God bears with you.
People can feel it when you're frustrated or judging them because they're not getting it or not getting it fast enough. Should we be surprised if they don't want to open up—or if they disappear?
When we bear with people, they are more likely to keep coming back and open up. Galatians 6:1-2 reminds us that our presence helps struggling people connect with God.
Note: Paul isn't telling us to overlook sin or keep silent when we're concerned about someone. However, Paul teaches us how to step into community in a way that doesn't cause someone to shut down, freeze up, fight back, or disappear.
If We Do This Right...
When we embody safety for and to those around us, people will be authentic, open up, confess their sins, and share their struggles. Our Bible studies will grow beyond mere learning into gatherings where God's Spirit leads to transformation. That's what we want!
Introducing "Safe Group Guidelines"
As a Bible study leader and author, I am passionate about creating safe spaces for women to come and learn about Jesus together. Years ago, I began integrating "Safe Group Guidelines" into my newer Bible studies like Stronger Than Stress and Matthew: Pray Like This. I tested these guidelines during the launch of my Surrendered Bible study, which took place during the pandemic.
I hosted hundreds of women in an online group, and we read these guidelines before the start of each week's gathering. Women told me they felt free to share and ask hard questions without fear of someone jumping on them with unsolicited advice or pushing them to answer questions they weren’t comfortable answering in public.
These six simple guides aren't rules. They protect us from drifting into unhealthy attitudes. These guidelines don't stand in the way of God's Spirit moving; in fact, they create more space for God to move in each woman's life because we're getting out of the way.
SAFE GROUP GUIDELINES (from Stronger Than Stress Bible Study)
1. Everything that we say or hear stays in our group.
2. Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it meanly.
3. Advice, opinions, or suggestions can be requested but not offered.
4. Keep coming back, even if your homework isn’t complete.
5. Safe responses after someone shares include: “Thank you for sharing.” “We’re glad that you’re here.” “We believe that God will help you figure this out.”
6. God knows all the details, so we don’t need to overshare with the group.
If you agree with these values, consider reading them at the start of each meeting. If you've been meeting for a long time, read them anyway. Groups can become so familiar with each other that they drift into unsafe habits without realizing it. If anyone new joins, they will immediately sense the environment.
Consider…
Do these "safe group guidelines" sound like something your Bible study group should consider? You could read this devotion to your group and discuss it.
For those who ask, "So we're not supposed to give our opinions or advice?" Yes, you can. But first, give more space to God's Spirit. Let's slow down on giving unsolicited opinions or advice.
My suggestion: ask for permission to share after the group. You can say, "I had a thought after you spoke, can I share it with you?" Let her decide if she's ready to hear what you have to say. Sometimes, someone isn't prepared for even well-meaning advice. Let her decide. She may want to hear from God first before hearing from you.
I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!
How do you make sure your group is safe for new and existing members? Would your groups benefit from these safe group guidelines? If you've used them, I'd love to hear your thoughts.