Simplifying your business by corraling your ideas and integrating your marketing is great.
But if you really want to stop spreading your business around like jam on toast, you've gotta set boundaries with folks. If your asshole just clenched, believe me — I understand, I'm a recovering people pleaser, too. But you're a business owner.
You're not a 7-11. And sometimes you just gotta say, “Nope, Not Today.” |
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TLDR on Boundaries - People-pleasing is not a sustainable business model.
- "No," is a complete (scary) sentence.
- Sometimes folks aren't a good fit for you, and you don't have to work together.
- Sample scripts to practice low-lift boundary setting
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***the Chaos Filter is going out weekly! |
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Miss the last issue? Check it out here |
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Fuck People-Pleasing
People pleasing is a real problem for some of us. If you're anything like me, your default answer is yes. Especially when someone asks you something in the moment. You were probably raised to be agreeable, play nice, and to go along to get along. The yes is almost an auto response and that shit goes deep. But being a doormat isn't the answer. You've gotta retrain your brain to pause before you vomit out the yes.
You're resetting the default mode.
And there will be growing pains.
Now, notice this isn't training to say “no”. Sometimes “yes” is the answer. But you won't know until you intentionally pause and consider: - Do you have the bandwidth?
- What about the capacity?
- Are they paying you?
- Do you want to do the thing?
Remember: everything you say yes to is something else you're saying no to. |
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If you're breathing into a paper bag right now, I see you. But you don't have to say no to your biggest client tomorrow. You can ease in. Of course, you can immediately jump in the deep end. (hi impulsivity!)
Your amgydala might freak the fuck out, but you do you. But if you want a less jarring approach… 1) Practice with low stakes.
Practice saying no to inconsequential stuff.
- Say no to a favorite dessert.
- Turn down a free trial.
2) Write down your boundaries and automate them if you can.
Don't wait until your boundaries get tested, have them at the ready.
- If you don't answer emails on weekends, create an auto-responder.
- Pre-determine your criteria for rush projects, cancellations, refunds etc.
2) Have scripts ready to go.
I can't recommend scripts enough—when someone catches me off guard I become a damn bobble-head. Tweak these as necessary.
Response that works for most things:
- “I will check my calendar and get back to you.”
- “I need some time to think about that. I'll give you an answer by x.”
A project that doesn't feel aligned: - I don't think I'm the right fit for this, but I can recommend…
- This isn't in my wheelhouse. But thank you for thinking of me!
Request for a discount: - If you'd like, we can pause our work or reduce our sessions until a better time.
- I understand budget constraints. Here are a few options at different price points.
Client constantly messages - I reply to messages during x - x. Outside of those hours, your message might get lost.
- If it's after hours and feels urgent, jot it down and bring it to our next session.
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Say “no," without saying “no.” Did you notice that none of those examples actually contained the word “no?” It's can be a loaded word and hard on your nervous system. Especially with ADHD, “no” can feel like a personal rejection. Or you might assume someone else has this reaction.
Maybe they do, maybe they don't—but if you decide they will feel personally rejected— saying “no” will feel even harder. |
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Once you've established your boundaries, keep them—they set expectations for how people treat you.
If your boundaries are just for show, everyone is gonna hop the fence.
Example:
A client emails after hours and you respond.
The client emails after hours again. This time, you don't answer. But you set the expectation that you would. Now they're upset, you're annoyed…
…but you set yourself up, babe. HOLD YOUR BOUNDARIES. |
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Deep Breath Boundary setting can feel really edgy and you're afraid people will hate you. But..that's almost never true. What usually happens: - Your clients feel held.
- They respect you more.
- You work better together.
And if someone does throw a hissy fit or keeps crossing your boundaries? Then they aren't a fit, and respectfully, they can f*ck all the way off. |
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I know this was a heavy one. Give yourself grace. You are unlearning what no longer serves you and it's a lifelong process. |
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Heads Up:
I intended to include simplifying your offers in this newsletter. But it feels like you've just been through something, you know? I'm not gonna ask you to absorb one more thing today.
But starting next week, the newsletter is coming out every Tuesday. |
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I'll see you soon. Until then… |
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Sprinkle boundaries around your business like confetti. |
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P.S. I respond to every email and I'd love to hear from you. Also, if you found this helpful, please share it!
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How To Work With Me in 2025
- 1:1 Marketing Coaching
- Strategy Sessions
- LinkedIn Support
- Links below ⬇️⬇️⬇️
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4030 Wake Forest Rd STE 349,
Raleigh, NC 27609, United States |
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