Back in my happy place - the polytunnel - before weeding. (Spot the cat!)
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StoryhouseChildless, the weekend-long festival for non-parents in Chester (UK), is back again this September 25-27th. I'll be there to speak (and to celebrate Gateway Women's 15th anniversary, which is today!), and I really hope to see you. Earlybird weekend pass. Limited number available, click here.
March's theme in the CC online community is Unseen Grief. For many of us, one of the most painful parts of being childless is how much of our experience goes unseen, both by society and those closest to us. Workshops, small group chats, in person connections and other ways to help you understand how to bridge that gap. Click here to access/join. Free trial followed by plans to suit all pockets, including low/no income.
Gateway Elderwomen: I published two essays on ‘elderhood without motherhood’ in the last month, both of which are free to read here. I also host a member-only ‘Elderzoom’ for our Childless Elderwomen subgroup in the Childless Collective online community on the first Saturday of each month, alternating between times suitable for UK/EU, North America and Australia/NZ. The next one is on Saturday 4th April at 6pm UK time (suitable for UK/EU and North America). There are calls led by my member cohosts in other weeks of each month too. Join the call here.
Cultivate & Flourish, a 12-week group coaching program led by Katy Seppi (Childless Collective) and childless therapist Tanya Hubbard, starts early April, and there are still a couple of places left. Highly recommended. Click here for more info.
Sunday Chanting Circle for Childless Women: Helen Louise Jones, creator of the Our Healing Voice chanting circles, is hosting an Evening Chanting Circle on Sunday, 19th April, 7-8.30pm BST (GMT+1). It's on Zoom, your mic will be off and Helen holds a beautiful healing space. Sliding scale of GBP £5, £10 or £15. Beginners welcome. Email Helen at ourhealingvoice@gmail.com for more info.
Participants needed for Brighton Fringe (UK) dance/art project. Artist-theatre maker and Parlance UK-trained inclusive dance practitioner Charlotte CHW is looking for female-identifying or non-binary people with lived experience of infertility, pregnancy loss or childlessness to join one of 2 co-creation workshops in the South East for her show ‘On Barren Hill’. No previous experience in the creative arts needed. Your contribution to the show will be credited, if you wish, and you will be offered a free ticket to one of the performances as well as a contribution of £20 towards lunch/travel. Email c.hwatts.art@gmail.com for more details, or see her Instagram post here.
Navigating Solo is a US-based initiative which 'supports older adults who are without the reliable support of adult children or close family members'. I hope to interview the founder, Ailene Gerhardt, on my Substack soon! In the meantime, please consider completing her short survey about the many different ways of ageing ‘solo’. https://navigatingsolo.com
None of these are affiliate links; I share them only to help you find support and connection. If you'd like to appreciate my work, you can leave me a tip at BuyMeACoffee :)
Dearest First name / One,
The Easter Weekend can be a strange one when we're childless. In the UK, it's a four-day holiday weekend, with a lot of people travelling to be with their extended families or taking a vacation with their own children. Whereas many of us brace ourselves for Christmas and the whole festive period, Easter can often sneak up on us, and suddenly it can seem like ‘everyone else’ has plans and we don't! Unlike at Christmas, when couples and families might think to include their childless friend, those invitations are rarer than hen's teeth at Easter, and if you're unpartnered too, it can be pretty lonely. In fact, it was on a long, empty Easter weekend several years ago when both London (and my life) felt rather empty that I wrote one of my most read blogs, Surviving the Childless Weekend Blues, in which I unpack the difference between ‘solitude' and ‘loneliness’.
I don't have any big plans for this Easter Weekend other than making hot cross buns (this is my go-to recipe), and hoping to be well enough to get back out into my polytunnel and get more planting done now that a late Spring is arriving here in Ireland! It was always a dream of mine to live in the country and have a garden (part of my ‘Plan B’!), and it took until my 61st birthday for it to come true, but here we are. As I wrote in an essay for the UK's Mother's Day in March about being both motherless and childless, it would seem that I've inherited my own mother's green fingers, which has come as something of a surprise to me! (And if you are mourning a tricky mother, I hope you find that essay helpful.)
My health continues to be problematic, and I've been poked and prodded in the hospital some more, looking for answers, but it's all still a bit of a mystery. Taking a break in sunny Thailand was wonderful, but the long-haul travel really took it out of me, and so I've had to recover from that too (I know, cue the tiny violins!) Right now, many of my writing and advocacy projects are lying fallow, but thank goodness for pets, books, friends and seedlings! Our Alterkin (Alternative Kinship Circle) project continues to develop in the background, and I very much hope to be publishing anonymous interviews from each member of our Alterkin Circle to celebrate our first year in May.
As someone managing a mysterious chronic illness, one of the things it's forcing me to learn is that my value to others isn't only predicated on what I can do for them, no matter how deep that early family and patriarchal conditioning goes. It's a hard one to shift, but it feels like it might be a crucial step in leaning into what it means to age without children. As my dear old cockney Grandad would have said, ‘It’s not all beer and skittles, you know!'
Until next month,
This newsletter takes a day (at least!) each month to write and produce. If you'd like to support my work, you can leave me a tip at BuyMeACoffee, and I'll probably do exactly that with it, no doubt, whilst also reading a book you've helped me buy :)
Our Sydney Reignite Weekend in May is now full, with a waiting list. Facilitators Sarah Roberts and Judy Graham are keen to gauge your interest in a 2027 Aus/NZ Reignite Weekend. Email them directly at either support@theemptycradle.com (Sarah) or judy@womenhood.com.au to let them know. The April weekend in Ireland with Kelly Brandt and me is also full. However, there's still space on our October workshop in London, UK, with Yvonne John and Sarah Lawrence, but maybe book soon?!Info, testimonials, booking links here.
