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My offering for you this week: Need a stock photo? Here are lots.

Hi friend,

 

I mentioned in my last letter that I've been to see a sleep doctor. It turns out that in the last year I've developed severe sleep apnea. I won't share the numbers from the sleep test, but they're frightening.

I'll be getting a CPAP machine, but I'm currently in a phase I'm calling sleep purgatory. It seems that my numbers make the doctor very concerned, but not concerned enough to move the process along,. The next step is for the CPAP machine company to call me to arrange an appointment for a fitting or to send me Mass to try on, I don't know which, and then at some point they'll send me the actual machine.

You'll know that there's a lot of uncertainty there. It's moderately infuriating to be told that you're putting your life in danger just by going to sleep on one hand and on the other that maybe some day someone will get around to doing something about it.

So this is sleep purgatory. I'm getting maybe 3 to 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night. A few nights ago I moved to the couch, partly to try to prop myself up and see if that would help and partly so that my poor husband wasn't constantly being awakened by my snoring and tossing and turning.

It's not helping much, sleeping in odd positions is tearing the rest of my body up, but it's better than nothing.

Why am I telling you all this rather embarrassing and vulnerable personal health information? Because initially I hadn't intended to mention it at all.

Like diabetes and high cholesterol, sleep apnea is one of those health conditions that is correlated with larger bodies, but we don't have any proof of causation. However like those two conditions, it's a highly stigmatized condition to have and almost feels taboo to talk about.

So let's break down some of the shame in talking about sleep apnea. My body is no less worthy or valuable because it has this particular malfunction. If you have sleep apnea, you are worthy, too.

The other reason I wanted to talk about this this week is that sleep purgatory is like no other state I've ever experienced. Take the most miserably exhausted you've ever been and dial it back a few notches, and then remain in that state for weeks on end.

Just getting dressed and taking care of basic hygiene have become major tasks. In a work day, I might be able to take on one client meeting or one set of emails or one grunt work or data entry task, but any thought work or emotional or mental labor just falls by the wayside. 

My focus is gone. My mind flits here and there, refusing to settle. It took me an embarrassingly long time to write this letter.

So though I'm maintaining my existing client work, I'm closing my books to new photography, editorial and marketing clients until my capacity returns. I'll let you know as soon as that happens.

In the meantime, dream a little dream for me.

Warmly,
Lindley

 

P.S. You can share this week's letter here.

My favorite image this week:

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Image description: The woman in this photograph has glorious wings on her arms that she lifts towards the ceiling, looking out a window into a large covered open space, in this black-and-white-photograph. She is fat, has long hair pinned into a bun and is wearing a sleeveless dress.

Recent from Me

The Conversation

"Just as other folks who are in oppressed/marginalized groups have found power in reclaiming words that have been used to describe them as slurs, for me, using the word fat is not only power-filled but political and revolutionary. 

 

Every time I use it as an identity for myself it is a big "Fuck you" to the diet industry and societal beauty standards that are literally out here trying to kill me and mine because we don’t fit their version of beautiful or valuable."

 

We have been so socialized to think of fat as a bad word that we’ve actually equated it with a slur rather than what the word actually means. The dictionary definition of fat as an adjective is: "(a person or animal) having a large amount of excess flesh." That’s me. 

 

Using the word fat for myself felt odd at first, but now it’s actually pretty liberating and power-filled. Using the word fat and finding community of other folks who identify that way as well has been life-saving for me.

 

Representation matters. When you see yourself represented in other people’s work — cultural, academic, community — it is so validating and life-saving." » Laura Luna

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Image description: A fat book cover with a photo of a fat Hawaiian woman standing in shallow water. Text reads, 24 Printable Posters: Honoring the Body.

NEW: No matter what kind of body you live in, but especially if you live in a large body…

 

Pop culture and diet culture want us to shrink, to be tiny, the merest wisp of existence, easily put out of sight and out of mind. But our bodies want more solidity and our souls want more room to burn, which is why it’s so hard to shrink and so very profitable to make us think we must.

 

But there is so much value in our closer relationship with gravity. We heal more easily. We are more resistant to famine. Our bodies refuse to shrink and shrink until we go out like a candle simply so onlookers can be more comfortable.

 

In this book, you’ll find 24 posters printable up to 18×24″. There are 11 pairs, each with a different mantra. You can print and hang them up separately, or together.

 

Or, keep this little book on your computer or phone and use it as a source of mantras and inspiration. Choose a new one every day (or week).

Quick Resources: Being an Ally to Your Fat Friends

Hi! I'm Lindley.

- she/her

- photographer

- author

 

Image description: Lindley, a fat white woman, is shown sitting in a cafe with salmon-pink walls. She has shoulder-length blonde hair and glasses, and is wearing a black top with a translucent blue-and-white patterned jacket. Her hands are on the tabletop in front of her.

Hi! I'm Lindley.

 

I'm a professional photographer (she/her, pronounced LIN-lee) who celebrates the unique beauty of bodies that fall outside conventional "beauty" standards. I live outside Seattle, WA. 

 

I talk about and photograph fat folks because representation of large bodies in the world is vital to our body liberation.

 

 

People come to me for:

  • Body-safe portrait, boudoir and small business photography sessions
  • Diverse, body-positive stock photos
  • Fat fine art photographic prints
  • Health at Every Size (HAES)-aligned consulting, writing and editing
  • The Body Love Shop, a curated resource for body-positive and fat-positive art and products

Many thanks to those who've recently joined the BLP Patreon, including: Jessica Christensen, D D, Alex Kaatz, Mary Chittenden, Jennifer Crane Pyle, Teena Cadwell, Lynn Willis, Aliya Reich, DeAnna Sherer, Victoria Fisher, Synergy Health and Wellness, Erica Mouch, Amy MacDonald, Jamie Earnhardt, Sue Clarahan, Lori, Kathleen Flynn, Susan Vibbert and Joanna B. 

Pssst! Did a friend forward you this email? If you'd like to get your own body liberation guide every week, just drop your email address here.

 

You're on this list because you're a current or past client or customer, or you signed up on my website.

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