Hi, Last week was a long love letter to podcasting, so this week… a light list. I’ve pretended to be a guest featured on a newsletter called Perfectly Imperfect where a collection of people they deem cool share recommendations. Often obscure, always interesting. Writer (and upcoming podcast guest) Nada Alic said of the PI newsletter “It reminds me of the pre-algorithm early days of the internet that was all about discovery and real people…Everyone has their little things that make up a life and give it meaning.” I love knowing the minutiae of people’s interests you don’t see on the surface. I’m curious about routines, habits, and obsessions. And since sending out lists in the last few dispatches a couple of you have told me you, too, enjoyed it… So while the podcast takes a four-week hiatus, I will be sending a weekly email and several lists… maybe if I keep practicing someday I’ll make the big leagues… The list I'd send PI today… - Mary Oliver- I re-listened to her on an old episode of On Being and wrote about the poem Wild Geese here. She tells Krista Tippet in the episode that this poem came out of a writing exercise. She was demonstrating a technique to a student in a poetry class. She says, “It was written as an exercise in end-stopped lines. I was trying to show the variation, but my mind was completely on that.” It’s a good case for creative constraints and, even though they say, “those who can’t do, teach”, in this case, she did…while she was teaching.
- Shoe horns- I love slip-on shoes but I can’t walk long distances in Birkenstocks or clogs anymore. I’ve been loving Hokas since my friend Lili sent me a pair. The upside is that they make it feel like you’re walking on a cloud and grew two inches, but the downside for me is, they take longer to put on. My grandfather used a shoehorn. I tried finding one and, when I couldn't, I called my aunt to see if she had any of his. Have you tried using one? I think we should bring them back. Maybe they never left?
- Trust as a concept- a couple weeks ago my friend Karolina sent me an interview with CJ Hauser, who wrote the essay The Crane Wife (The Paris Review). The interview appeared in Conversations on Love, Natasha Clunn's newsletter. Clunn set up her interview with the Hauser by saying this of first reading the famous essay The Crane Wife:
“Friends sent it to me, I sent it to others. We passed it around as if to say, ‘I know you’ve felt like this and you know I’ve felt like this, and now we know someone else has felt exactly like this too.’”
I related to that sentiment about The Crane Wife piece as well as Natasha’s newsletter, pages of books, songs, etc. Is intimacy sometimes just sending friends art that relates to them, often wordlessly?
I’d love to interview CJ but I don’t really need to because the interview in this newsletter is brilliant. Her thoughts on friendship, being single, and above all, the way she spoke about trust gave me a breakthrough fit for therapy.
I forwarded this to two friends.
One of them, Maddie (who writes the newsletter, Wait Have You Read this?) pulled out these two bits from it…
On identity after a breakup or big change…
“Your new sense of identity is very fragile, so you're less able to [allow] someone else to do it a different way. Those are just boxes we put people in.”
On Friendship and non-family or non-romantic relationships…
“I decided to start naming them as a love story. I wanted to say, if you wish to be partnered and you are not, don’t feel there’s no love in your life, because there’s tons of it. But also, if you are a person who wants to be partnered and you find a partner, if you’ve acknowledged all the different kinds of healthy love around you, there’s less pressure on your relationship to do everything.”
The other friend I sent it to was Captain because the night before we were with a friend of ours who was lamenting about her dating woes. She said (in a goofy way) to me, “Well have you found any success finding love in this city?”
And I responded earnestly, “Well no but ….we sure do have friendship!”
I went home that night feeling confused, sort of lonely, and questioned if I chose wrong in prioritizing platonic friendship over work, family, and definitely dating…these last several years. The next day I read the below and found it particularly comforting:
“For a lot of people, their chosen family - their friends; their love stories that are not romantic, whether it's a house, a person, a group, a community - they're always there, if you're lucky.”
Then she says,
“The way we experience the joy and the meaningfulness of the good in our lives is diminished, because they're not part of legible cultural narratives around what a happy life looks like.” It goes on to talk about how if you define love too narrowly you miss what is around. I’m trying not to miss the good around…Well I sure got a lot out of one newsletter. - Red nail polish for writing difficult parts. --on an old episode of the show, writer Ashley C. Ford talked about how she paints her nails red when writing about heavy things.. I was at a point in an essay I’d been wrestling with where my writing teacher asked me to go deeper into a part I knew would bring up big feelings…I did it…but first I painted my nails. So if you see me with red nails…you’ll know why.
- Anger- As a person who tends to have a “everything is fine” smile, I am trying to allow myself to feel big feelings when they come up and not ignore them. Anger specifically is one I haven’t learned to express. This has come up in here when I mentioned I read that craving crunchy food has been said to mean you have un-processed anger. And we spoke about this in this episode with Val Chaney. Like most of us, I never learned how to express this feeling. I'm happy that there’s a new children’s book called, Angry Me. On the first page a young girl faces herself in the mirror. She says, "I get angry." What follows are resonant vignettes of her facing hurtful, frustrating situations.
- Talking about bodies openly …including but not limited to, poop, periods, etc.…
The other day a friend came into the shop to visit me during my shift and pretty soon after said,
“I have to poop immediately, I need to leave.”
I said, “Do you want to go in the back and use our bathroom?”
“I only go at home!” they screamed as they ran out of the shop. This made me feel closer to them.
Another night I was walking to CVS to buy tampons when I ran into a friend. I ended up hanging out with him for a while so he asked if I wanted a ride home, I said sure but I had to make a stop. We went into the bodega and I tried to hide what I was buying, until the owner, Ali, said very loudly, “Oh sorry no apple pay, you need to use a card to buy your tampons.” It was as if the word, tampon got louder than the other words. I didn’t have my wallet on me. Before I could say anything else my friend was buying my tampons and we were talking about my period in the car.
Ali now mentions this interaction every time I enter his shop, I feel closer with him too now.
Last week, I realized my period arrived when I was running out the door already late to dinner. Breathless, I started to rattle off the reasons for my tardiness to my friend and casually said, “…oh and handling my period.”
Regardless of level of closeness or gender we should talk about bodies more, there's obviously nothing shameful about pooping or periods. And not talking about our bodies perpetuates shame. Sharing about mental health, physical pain, even stress, is useful.
Openness doesn't have to be a big deal, it can be silly. I firmly believe no one is being silly enough in this bleak world we live in. When I feel over exposed and question if I should change the name of this entire operation from letitouttt.com to holditinnn.com it's only because I spent my adolescence hiding my period and ashamed of my body and everything it did. - Doing this over trying to be cool or mysterious- I’ve had to find my footing on what to call the creative consulting supportive sessions I do with people…talk about big feelings…I was overly concerned with sounding cool which made me not want to mention about my work for fear of being judged by people I surround myself with and have put on a pedestal. I’m letting go of that because I am enjoying doing these sessions more than ever. I love the people I do them with. I’m grateful this is part of my life and job.
- Spaces- I’ve spent most of August bouncing between friends’ houses, house sitting. There’s an intimacy to inhabiting someone's private world. Being inside their insides, I feel closer to each friend I house sit for after. Even though I’ve been to their homes when they are there, there’s something about being trusted with a key and to inhabit their home. With that, I’ve been considering spaces and how they impact my ability to work, not dissociate, and get ideas.
- (Related) I love her minimal kitchen… and reading about Joan Didion’s space.
- I meant to send this list days ago but we are still close to the 48 hours after the new moon… if you want to do this. I do it each new moon, the next one will be here before we know it. And at the full moon I do something else with Crystal called the moon hike.
Do you have a question or topic for a list you’d like me to do? I will do anything for you…whatever you want from me… Your friend, Katie PS. Last day for the discount for the podcast kit if you’ve been wanting to start one– the code is START until the end of the month (tomorrow). (!!!) wild it is September tomorrow. |
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Shadow Artists with Carolina Mesarina |
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This week I spoke to my friend Carolina Mesarina. An artist with a background in production, she's currently in the midst of a career pivot, which we unpacked in this episode. After studying acting at NYU and attending grad school, she found herself on what she calls, "the other side of the call sheet": producing. We talk about her transitioning to a more creative role through the lens of Julia Cameron's term (from The Artist's Way): “Shadow Artist”. As a Creative Producer, Carolina now makes videos and visuals for brands and individuals to help them stand out. We met in New York and have collaborated creatively over the years. She’s so genuine, smart, and creative—and one of my close friends—making episode unique. We've had many conversations about creativity, identity, money, support, feeling on the outside, procrastination, and career transitions—and this time we recorded one. |
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Caro and I sweating recording the episode. If you too, want to do this weird scenario of recording your conversations with friends and strangers, the PODCAST KIT has everything you need to do so. |
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Or If you're more of the one-on-one type…. Still have one spot in the creative clinic and info on whether it would be a good fit for you here : ) or reply to this with any questions. |
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Top image: Lucy Bell - ‘Time to Go Home / First Flower of Spring’ lucybelll |
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Thank you for listening to Let It Out and/or Spiraling it means so much. If you like this newsletter // podcast want to support it, the best ways to do so: – Share it with a friend! – Or A Review on iTunes or Spotify for the podcasts (thank you) |
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