I LOVED Kevin Hart's audiobook, Monsters And How To Tame Them. He dropped a ton of F bombs mixed with wisdom, and I often found myself laughing out loud. Kevin shares all the “monsters” in his head and the “Approval Monster” especially resonated with me.
He highlights how he used to crave positive feedback and how he got stuck living for other people and constantly seeking reassurance. He calls this need to make other people like us our “approval monster.” Like a chronic disease that makes us live for those pats on the back and leads us to do things that aren't in our best interest, and stops us from doing what is.
He goes on to share some pretty hilarious scenarios including one about cooking and cleaning all day and not getting the recognition from your family that you expected or how he almost set his worth based on a club owner's feedback. It's amazing to have other people invested in your success he says, but at what point does it become the driving force behind what you do? Can you be excited for yourself? Or do you need others to be excited for you? Do you doubt or discredit yourself because no one is acknowledging you?
He offered a first step to reducing that damn “approval monster," whether it be in the kitchen or your career, by asking yourself 2 questions:
1) Who's approval are you seeking? Who are you trying to make proud? Is it your family, spouse, friends, social media followers etc? By recognizing who you look to for approval, you know where to keep a close eye.
2) When you looked for approval in the past and didn't get it, what was your reaction? Was it returning the car or watch no one thought was cool? Or when you didn't hear I love you, and it hurt you so much, did you go ruin that relationship? What did you do? These questions really help you understand how your "approval monster" works so you aren't so dependent on what other people think.
Ugh, thanks Kevin.
